Thoughts on 'Brokeness'

[Ikneadaneraser]

I have been absent from WC! for a bit. In addition, I hadn't spent as much time in this forum as I would have liked. While I may not be as articulate as Larry, I hope that you will allow me to share some recent thoughts.
The reason I'm sharing is this: last Thursday night, I was getting my gear out of my truck to go to art class when I slipped in a snowbank. In attempt to regain my balance, I struck my right (painting) hand against my truck. Despite the pain, I went to class and did a charcoal portrait. Later, I found I had broken my hand!
Having never broken any bone (except my nose 5 times), I worried about painting again. My thoughts turned to the many paraplegic artists, like Joni Erikson(sp?) Tada, who inspire us. I was ashamed at my fear, yet at the same time, I was brought to a fresh realization of just how much art means to me.
About a year ago, I made a commitment of my art to God. He responded to that by turning painting into a worship experience for me. I honestly feel I honor Him by training my eyes to see and my hands to paint.
Now, I was faced with the fear of not painting! What was the. extent of my injury? Will there be long-term damage? The fears came in waves.
God has blessed me with an art mentor who, despite making no claim to do so, ministers to my spirit as well as teaching me to paint. Several years ago, he injured his painting arm and was forced to work left-handed. He discovered a new freshness to his art that he would not have found otherwise. His experience (and the examples of Joni, et al)encouraged me to experiment in the same way.
I was utterly amazed- and blessed! I could, indeed, produce a decent piece of art with my 'despised and ignored' left hand!!! Why was this possible? I honestly beleive it is because I have been allowed to worship God with something He has placed within me-the desire to share in a creative process; a creative impulse akin to His own. Yet it only came about through the experience of brokeness!
Tonight, as I shared my thoughts with my mentor, he said, "more people should get hurt more often". No, he did not mean people should get hurt- he meant that people need to come to realize the limits they (we) place on them(our)selves! We need to test the limits of the gifts we've been given so that we grow and expand and discover the richness of God's blessings. We play it 'safe' too often and too long.
I hope you can understand what I have tried to share with you.
May God bless you in- and through- your creative experience.


Left: done the night of injury, right-handed/ Right: done left handed

[Lynn Quinn]

Thank you for sharing this with us, Jerry! This is wonderful! I've never broken my hand, but the Lord has graciously allowed me to experience brokeness on other levels. You're right -- things happen then that couldn't possibly happen otherwise! I only got into painting about 4 years ago, as I believe, I gift from the Lord, as I was going through a lot of healing from a broken marriage. While I'm still very much in the learning phase in all the technical aspects, I believe He is being glorified through my painting anyway. But I am intrigued by your comment about painting being a worship experience for you. That is what I really want, but sometimes I'm still too focused on the "how to's".

[LarrySeiler]

thanks Jerry...and brokenness as I'm learning also readily comes in the desert where every motive hidden even to one's own heart as to why various things (even claimed to be done for the Lord) were so important to be done as to take over one's life. The desert helps you to see things in perspective, the Lord as He is...yourself as you truly are, and it breaks you to a resolve where the things the Lord asked gently of you years before but preferred not to hear now become the only natural alternative left to you.

Thanks for sharing...this was food worth chewing for me this morning!

peace

[Ikneadaneraser]

I'm so glad you were able to catch some of what I was trying to say. There are times when I feel as if my language skills fail me, or that I'm speaking in 'unknown tongues'. LOL

MLQ- for too long, I denigrated my art because I wasn't into 'religious painting'. I allowed myself to deceive myself into thinking that if I wasn't painting a Biblical narrative, then I wasn't glorifying God with my art. My mentor's comment gave me 'something to chew on', and I came to realize that by developing and using a gift I believe God gave me, is saying to Him, "Thank you! You have shared a taste of what You must have felt when you created the universe!" I came to see my desire to draw, paint, etc., as a glimpse of the 'image of God' in which He created me. By using that gift, I honor Him. So, as I paint- and often struggle through a problem piece- I am able to invest the 'talent' (in the parable's sense) entrusted to me. My desire is that He finds me a 'good and faithful steward' as a result- regardless of the ****-fold return there may be!

[LarrySeiler]

we've long had that problem in Contemporary Christianity Jerry, with music especially...where the secular and religious sectors seek to compartmentalize.

Put a Christian lyric in it or else that "D" chord played isn't sanctified.

Thing is...what is a Christian plumber or electrician? What identifies them? You pay them $45 to come out to the house, and $65 per hour labor thereafter and they spend their time talking to you about the Lord? Or, is it that they strive for integrity in their business conduct, stand behind their work in case of problems later on, are courteous and well mannered in their speech?

Does a Christian police officer choose to let more people off if they agree to read a tract given to them? What does it mean to do our work as onto the Lord?

Many in the church believe that if it is not done to support a church program or agenda then it is not properly available to the Lord's work.

In my near 20 years I youth pastored...I could nearly count on my fingers the number of times anyone was interested enough in what I was doing as an artist to consider coming out to see my studio/gallery space or show up at a public exhibition. What I meant to them was an easy target should a banner been needed or something equivalent to clip art...and YET the message always was pounded that we needed to make a difference in our world!

Here, in their presence...was an artist (I'm thinking) that is honored by the world, has the news press several times a year coming to me for feature stories. I never shied to share I was a Christian...though my work was nature or landscape related.

My music was Christian in the sense that I am molded and changed by the Biblical Christian worldview and it flavors how I look at the world, think and respond. Thus my lyrics reflect that.

I would pack coffeehouses and places in...me and often friends of mine, and had a good secular following. Some of those folks often shared with me they detected my faith coming thru...even a believer once in awhile that might have been there wanting to encourage me to keep it up. However, for the most part unless I was on the platform part of the worship team, you'd rarely see the Christians out to support your playing.

If it was a sanctified bonafied Christian music festival, they could justify their excitement.

I'm not saying there is no room for such festivals or patently Christian music, (and I did that more evangelistically in the mid 80's)...but we do have problems as human beings compartmentalizing and determining, "this is Christian...nope, this is not! This is Christian...and, nope this is not!"

From my position we are to subdue and take back, we are to see God's hand throughout the whole of the world, to praise Him for every good thing, we are to be seen so that we are not a light under a table but set upon a hill where such light can be seen.

I covet my position here at Wetcanvas moderating and trying to help people not as an opportunity to wear Jesus on my sleeve...but to act "Christianly" as I should possessing a nature that represents having been changed. To serve.

I hope that others will see Jesus in me and that in the end I'm not just deemed some fine ole chap with a big heart. Jesus is why I do what I do, but sometimes what we do speaks so loudly that others can't hear what we are saying.

Our culture, the secular culture...has been enculturated to see Jesus on one's sleeve and immediately press the tune out button. I believe we have to gain first credibility, become friends, love the unloveable (which means not to expect the ungodly without God to act godly just to sanitize things for our comfort zone!)...and we will in so doing experience some surprised. Those that have prejudices that they could not like or respect Christians..especially those fundamentalists! What a shock to first get to know someone, admire them....gain from their experience, learn to really like them and THEN discover "goodness me...I had no idea he was a Christian. Can't be. I don't like Christians....couldn't like Christians...er, umm...weird, but I like this guy!"

Finding out we have a place is a call to consider anew this person named Jesus. Fititng the old compartmentalizing taste not, touch not stereotypes, Jesus conveniently passes by without requiring reconsideration!

btw...love that second drawing of yours Jerry...really very nicely done!

Larry

[Ikneadaneraser]

Larry, you have indeed caught what I wanted to share!
In a bit different angle, I am also learning that it is only in the broken-ness that we are able to more clearly hear(or see) the Lord teaching us. BUT- and that is a BIG BUT- we must be willing to listen/look!
I think of Moses and the burning bush, Elijah when he fled from Jezebel, and Isaiah when Uzziah died as some examples. But there are many more 'whose names are not written', who are inspirations in their own lives and broken experiences.
These, too, make up that great cloud of witnesses who inspire me- and whose ranks I desire to join!

[Lynn Quinn]

Jerry, I appreciate & agree with all you and Larry have said. I'm possibly not so great at communicating what I mean, either! I wasn't at all talking about compartmentalizing, or only painting "Christian theme" paintings, or anything like that. I mostly do landscapes, and am getting into some florals. I agree that everything we do should be done "unto the Lord". But all of this is totally beside the point of what I was talking about. I'll try to illustrate a bit better what I was meaning:

I sing, and have done so most of my life. I also play guitar (but not very well, relatively speaking - not putting myself down here, but I have short, thick hands, & can't play a bar chord to save my life!). I have, at times, in the small churches I've been in, in various parts of the country, been asked to lead worship. I have done this to the best of my ability, but never became really comfortable in feeling I was totally able to flow with the Holy Spirit, and keep track of the technical aspects at the same time. However, I love singing harmony on the team when someone else is leading! Because then, making sure everyone was together, etc., wasn't my problem!

My son is very gifted, both as a guitarist and as a drummer. He is doing one or the other every Sunday. This is one of his ways of worshipping, and it doesn't bother him at all to be playing every Sunday, as it is a worship experience for him. He has the talent, experience and expertise to play beautifully while being focused on the Lord, and aware of His presence and His working in the service. I, on the other hand, can play if I'm really thinking about what I'm doing. True enough, I don't practice near the amount he does, especially since the Lord has led me more into painting. But even when I was practicing way more than I am recently, I've never been to the point that I could just play and enjoy the Lord's presence without having to consciously attend to how I'm playing.

Hopefully, this illustrates what I was trying to say re. art. (And I may have totally misunderstood what you were trying to say with your initial comment that I responded to.) I'd love to get to the place where I can be fully aware of the Lord's presence with me, and His leading in what I'm painting, without getting bogged down in the technical aspects. Now maybe that will never happen, maybe it isn't even supposed to. After all, as my son says, I'm not a multi-tasker, at all! I have a one-track mind, if anyone ever did! And it will never happen if I keep challenging myself with harder stuff, 'cause I want to learn how to do it! I just think (or hope?) maybe someday, when I get the techniques down pat, I will be more able to paint and flow with the Holy Spirit at the same time! (And again, I am not talking about doing any different subject matter!)
I did paint a fairly simple landscape (which I think I posted here quite a while back) where I felt the Lord had suggested to me to combine a photo I had taken of an empty dead tree stump, with a 'sun pillar' effect I saw while out walking. So I painted it, with His help, I believe. I know that He had a message for me in that, but what amazed me is that at shows, I'd get comments from non-Christians that indicated that they were aware of spiritual content in that painting, even though there was no overt Christian symbolism, etc. It still spoke to their hearts. I feel that if I'm really in communication with the Lord while I'm painting, then some of that is going to be communicated to the viewer. But I don't feel that it happens very often with me, because of my relative inexperience at this point. That's basically what I was trying to say. I hope it makes more sense now?

Here's the link to the sun pillar painting I mentioned: http://www.wetcanvas.com/forums/showthread.php?t=257884

[Ikneadaneraser]

WOW!!!! Lynn!
Your linked pics are wonderful!!! Thanks!

I hope my rambling didn't offend. I didn't necessarily mean you were off my meaning. I think we all have legitimate thoughts as we contemplate the theme I presented.

As for your thoughts re: technical aspects vs 'going with the flow' of the Spirit. I'm not sure that He wants us to (always) forget the technicalities- afterall, He created those principles, didn't He? I do know what you mean, tho. I have had ocassion to hear some very 'technically gifted' musicians who wouldn't recognize the 'moving of the Spirit' if a hand appeared to write on the wall! And, others who couldn't 'carry a tune in a bucket', who blessed my socks off!!!
I'd simply encourage you to do 'whatever' as unto Him, and He'll accept the heart-felt offering every time!!!
Bless you!

(Sorry for any typos that escape my editing!)

[Lynn Quinn]

Thank you, Jerry! And no offense taken, at all! Just thought maybe I'd been speaking gibberish or something, that's all! LOL

[Ikneadaneraser]

Lynn, isn't it great when you can have a conversation, and people don't get their feathers ruffled over a question of understanding!!!!?
It is a delight to me to share with you- and others here. I don't get here near enough.

Blessings!

[mauricar]

I have a brain disease that took away my art for four years. I learned how to type with my toes and also how to paint after I got my sight back. Then I got the use of my hands back again. I am so grateful to be able to relate to your experience. You did beautiful work with both hands and I am sure that our Heavenly Father has blessed you with this gift so you will appreciate the other gifts he has given you. Have a wonderful and artfilled year.

[Ikneadaneraser]

mauricar!!!!
God bless you! I am so very happy to hear of your restoration! I hope you will understand that it was thoughts of folks in your condition/situation, who 'taught' me to value what I have left vs, what I (feared I had) lost!!!I faced myself with this train of thought:
What if my right hand is permanently damaged? (it's not-PTL!)
I have my left hand- I'll use that.
What if I lost both hands?
I'd have my feet- I'd use them.
What if I were paralyzed from the neck down?
I'd use my mouth.
Etc., etc.

But what I refuse to do from now on, is create artificial handicaps by my own psychological fears!

[Stoy Jones]

Jerry, I haven't been around here for sometime either, so it is good to see you posting. I saw these posted elsewhere, at Drawing? or Portraits?...but haven't had the time to comment until I found you here. Very fine work!..and glad to hear you are doing fine. Very inspiring view! I have dealt with a lot of emotional abuse over the years from both side’s of my wife’s and my own family, some of it alcoholic related, to the point of cutting ties with many of them to save our marriage as well as to keep from going crazy. Since my family turned me out into the world unprepared, some of our trials are financial in nature, so there have been plenty of tests to lead me to wonder, will we ever make it half-way. In fact we somehow always do, because God provides and I wish I have the better attitude for it when things do fall apart. Different circumstances, but lessons learned and relearned. Thanks for the inspiration!

Take Care,
Stoy

[Ikneadaneraser]

Stoy!!!! I'm so pleased you have found this inspirational, I have a bit of the same background (no details necessary). But seeing my art now as a gift from (and back to) God has done absolute wonders for my emotional and spiritual healing. I hope it will do that for others, too.
I'm also glad to hear you haven't allowed the past to embitter you. Sadly, when the trials come, we often run away from Him who is our strength instead of drawing closer to Him!
I did post these elsewhere, but refrained from going into the 'spiritual side' there.
Blessings on you and your wife (treasure her).

[lisilk]

Beautiful! Your experience as well as both hands creations. ( Sorry, I'm not the chatty type.)