Life Comes From Death: Portrait Of Christ

[Aisling]

Hello Everybody,

I'm not new to Wet Canvas, but I am new to this forum. I had no idea y'all were here. I guess I came in, saw the Colored Pencil Forum, and got tunnel vision for the longest time since my preferred medium is pencil. Anyway, I was also pretty ill for a while, ( That's a great story to go with this post and picture, but since I'm a slow starter I'll save it for as I go along in this thread. ), but since I'm feeling LOTS better, I stopped into the Forums last week and happened to look down the menu and saw Inspirational Art, probably just at the time I needed to find it.

I've been, ( Hmmm... not growing, so much as ), being freed from a lot of stumbling blocks/debris/chaos/toxidities, ( you name it ), in my life, which I think also had a lot to do with the improvement of my all-around health/wholeness, therefore, I don't think it at all coincidental that I ran across y'all. I don't think I've ever met a coincidence in my life. It's allll been directed. So if you guys don't mind, I'll pull up a chair and make myself comfy in here for a while. I'm ready for a lot of peace and quiet.

There is another story behind this picture of Christ ( I hope I attached it correctly. I think this is my first post since they changed the forum format. ) I "saw" it when I went to a Michael Card concert many moons ago when he was just starting out. I tried unsuccessfully to draw it for almost 2 years. Then I went through what I then thought was going to be some of the most trying times of my life. Little did I know I was just starting out on the "Dying Process".

I thought I knew what that meant, and I did, I just thought that everything I was going through at that point was enough to kill a grown moose, so surely I wasn't going to have to go through anything else! Little did I know this was just the beginning of God's cleasing. I remember explaining this to people as feeling like being scrubbed with a Brillo pad. Now I'd describe it as being dropped in a vat of burning acid!

I'm not particularly more "sinful" than the next person, or more stubborn, ( Wait a minute and let me rethink that one. ), so all of this pressure was totally confusing to me. "Why me?!?!??!" was my favorite mantra for years. I've gone through more things in one life-time than any person in the greatest super-power in the world could expect and it's just now all beginning to make sense to me. God wasn't trying to strengthen me; He was trying to get me to say "Uncle", which I'd done many times before. I guess I was still dirty behind the ears or something because the cleansing kept coming.

The end of this whole sermonette is that I had to completely die to my self to be really "re-born".. The only problem was that I couldn't figure out which self was supposed to live and which one was supposed to die. I had that part all backwards. I thought my "original self" was supposed to die and a brand new one would spring forth like a Phoenix, when God had wanted all of my "brand new selves" to die off, so that the one He originally sent here with all the correct and perfect equipment to walk the path HE had planned for me, could get down to business...

Yup, I was playing roles and didn't know it. Well, I did, but these were roles that even the church was agreeing with the secular world that I "should be playing". There's a very thin line now between what is "Christian" and what is "Secular" now-a-days and the toxidity that crosses from one side to the other almost did me in literally instead of just spiritually. God was watching over me though and made sure the right stuff happened at the right time so that I would come through that Wilderness wasteland and into The Promised Land with the correct person HE created to begin with minus all of the impediments Society places upon us.

I'm positively squeaky clean of extra roles now. My spirit's been scrubbed down to the original "character" God wanted me to be in the first place and I credit Him making that *ME* an artist as part of the reason I survived. I think most artists, ( even more so than writers and singers, though I am both of those also ), know who they *ARE* without too much interference and we are stubborn about holding on to that portion of *Us* "no matter what" comes along to try and change us into some-one we aren't.

It was The Divine Inspiration WHO creates through that *Me* that saved me in the end. He wouldn't let go of that me for nothin'. So, here I'm right back where I started from "in the beginning" - as a child. "Life, ( truely ), Comes From Death", ( Which is the title of this pencil painting ). That death was the me that had been led astray on other paths that, while they looked spiritual, weren't spiritual at all...

That's the death I see symbolized on the cross in this picture even though Jesus didn't have a role-playing self; He died for mine's errors, but afterward the old original self is raised to new life: The new life they were placed here on earth to live. That's the Life I actually feel like I'm living now. The Wilderness may have been a more expensive lesson than therapy, but I don't think it's something I want to go through again for the rest of my life. I'm staying as I was originally meant to stay : in The Promised Land. I've had enough of roaming around in the personas that the world and the false church, ( as opposed to the true Bride Of Christ ), said I "should be". I'm ready for the Peace to settle inside for good...

And, by the way, my real name is Faith. Since I'm scottish and sing scottish gaelic, I took the SN of Aisling, because it's gaelic for Dream or Vision. Now I'm going to have to find another gaelic word for a new SN, because I left all of those dreams behind for the "Reality" I was meant to live: The REAL Life that begins after all the falseness dies off....

Life Comes From Death WIP

Ailsing Art & Design


Edit: I forgot to add that when this picture finally came to me after the two years I tried to unsuccessfully draw it, I was sitting in my kitchen with my pad of paper and as I stared at the blank page a light, sort of emerald in color, started moving around and around the paper in a circle - like a radar screen. The more I stared at this, the more I saw this picture on the paper. All I did after that was "trace" it...

It was a gift.

Ain't nobody gonna convince me there's no such thing as Divine Inspiration... When God's not acting through me, I can't draw, ( or write or sing, or speak, or breathe, or, or, or, or .... everything else. ). It's as simple as that.

[artbyjune]

Very interesting story. I am Scottish too. Got that kind of treatment too. I went round and round in circles to get back to who I was all along. I was me. I am me. This is me. Me is me!

Funnily enough, I think I have quite forgotten who the grafted on by society me was!

I like your painting. I'm glad you have joined this forum and look forward to seeing more of your work.

[Aisling]

Caimar a tha thu?!?!?

I'm so homesick for scottish folk I can hardly stand it. I'm originally from the unofficial scottish capitol of the new world, Alexandria, Va., and sing scottish gaelic, but during my own personal "clearances" ended up in the wilds of Oklahoma. If there are scots here, ( and yes I found a few ), they sure aren't into their Celtic Heritage like the people back home.

I know what you mean about running around in circles and then finding yourself back at the beginning. ( Circles are pretty prevalient in Celtic symbolism, aren't they? I should know this. <sigh>) I've been interested in Celtic Christianity, and think it believes in much the same way I do, but was so wrapped up in trying to be who I am, as opposed to being the person everyone said I was or should be, I haven't much worked at finding a group of people who believe the same. I'm wondering if I'll have to break down and start my own religion! ( I can do that. I'm ordained. )

I'm in the middle of reading Sarah Ban Breathnach's "Something More: Excavating Your Authentic Self", "The Courage To Be Yourself" by Sue Patton Thoele, and "Anam Cara : A Book Of Celtic Wisdom" by John Donohue, and even though I agree with a lot written there-in, I still find myself coming up with a few discrepencies. Maybe it's just semantics and everything will be reconciled in the end. I'm even finding a way to describe this train of thought without denying the things Christ said. In fact, what I'm learning from Divine Inspiration is actually clarifying things I've known since childhood, but now see from a whole new perspective.

Unlike most religious people, I'm big on perfection and finally decided that it does exist. I am perfect for who I am and who I was meant to be. ( Who says perfectionism is bad?!?! It all depends on how one looks at it. ), and I'm big on being fully equipped to walk the path I'm meant to walk. My ideas on sin now mean that one does this when they fail to stay on their destined path and use the gifts and talents they were sent to earth to use.

Should I go into a business career and hide my God-given works, ( = light ), under a desk, ( = basket), that would be a sin! That would really be missing the mark of being the person God created and sent to do a certain job with the tools He put in me innately. I was never taught this idea in quite this way in church. Sometimes I think they are a little off-putting with the self-denial since they don't explain which self is supposed to be kept and which is supposed to be thrown out. All they recognize is one self. Everyone wears many masks..

It seems to me we all do this when we're trying to be something "more" than we are, or we think we're going to be something more, or other people tell us we're going to be "more" if we do something else besides being a mere artist.. Actually, we end up being less than we are, even if we become another Bill Gates. This is even my brand new take on what happened to Adam and Eve in The Garden : They wanted "more" when they went after the "fruit" of "The Tree Of The Knowledge Of Good and Evil" - which is a type of the world that tries to pull us off of our intended path and equip us with man's artificial skills to do their artificial works, and build their artificial kingdom...The end result is always less than we thought it would be. Adam and Eve would have been fine just the way they were. Now, if we could only stay as we were as "little children"...

Compromise leads to the death of the original self, then all one has left is this fake persona looking out of the mirror at you every morning as you go off to do a dull job that will end in an unfulfilling mid-life crisis...Everyone is smiling on the outside and feeling nothing on the inside. I tried it and didn't like it.

This morning I wrote:

"In God's way of doing things - The mere Beach-comber finds the hidden treasure in the sand, because he knew his path was on the beach as menial as that path seemed. He wouldn't have received that treasure as a gift if he was spending his life in the boadroom. Instead he would have had to use his own sweat and blood to try and create his own treasure. When gained it would have been no use to him and meaningless to satisfy his needs. He would have been forever wanting "more" - while what he was really needing in his life was less....Being on the true path is much more rewarding.. This is living our True Reality; not living a dream..."

This also illustrates the problem I'm having with the "Something More" books. They tell us that we're all looking for "Something More" when what we really need is less of the selves we've all been taught to become, because they were supposed to bring us "More", "More", "More"... I'm finding that the "more" is peeled away from *me*, the less there is standing between me and freedom, peace, happiness, joy... Man, is it good to just be able to breeeeeeeeeeeeeeatheeeeeee without all the weight that holds me down...I betcha I lost 500 spiritual lbs. carrying all of those extra "selves" around!

When I learned that less really is more, my illness started to fall away also. Those other selves died hard, though. Like I said, I didn't know I wasn't supposed to be playing some of my roles. I had no choice but to down-size because all of that spiritual toxidity had materialized, literally, and I was in constant pain. I had to start throwing stuff over-board or sink.

As my spirit detoxed, so did my body. ( I'm a big believer in the spirit-bone being connected to the body-bone, and the soul/emotional-bone. I hear that's found in Celtic beliefs also. I'm no fan of dualism either.) The more that stuff died away, the better I felt in every other area. I truely do feel reborn in body, spirit/mind, and soul/emotions now. All I can say is that this is great! Maybe I'll write m' own book and fix all of the semantics to suit me.

Again, it's great to meet a fellow scot! I have to ask the requisite question: What clan are you from? I'm a Fraser.

Aisling Art & Design

[artbyjune]

Cameron clan. Fort William. On my grandfather's side. Irish on my grandmother's side.

This paragraph of yours made me think:

It seems to me we all do this when we're trying to be something "more" than we are, or we think we're going to be something more, or other people tell us we're going to be "more" if we do something else besides being a mere artist.. Actually, we end up being less than we are, even if we become another Bill Gates. This is even my brand new take on what happened to Adam and Eve in The Garden : They wanted "more" when they went after the "fruit" of "The Tree Of The Knowledge Of Good and Evil" - which is a type of the world that tries to pull us off of our intended path and equip us with man's artificial skills to do their artificial works, and build their artificial kingdom...The end result is always less than we thought it would be. Adam and Eve would have been fine just the way they were. Now, if we could only stay as we were as "little children"...

Less is more...title of a book by psychologist Maragaret Donaldson, who was one of my lecturer's years ago. Child psychologist.

Says it all.

[LarrySeiler]

wow....what a wonderful progressive drawing....!!!! I really enjoyed viewing that piece!!!!

I bought and read a smaller book sometime ago, just pulled it off my shelf again called, "The Celtic Way of Evangelism- How Christianity Can Read the West...Again" by George G Hunter III..... a very good book on living in a way that reaches by means of the Celtic form of community rather than how modern churchianity is doing it.

I was first drawn to it...because I am for the most part Welsh...my natural birth mother 100%...born in north Wales, in Oswestry. I have many relatives, cousins and aunts still over there, but I have yet to afford opportunity to visit. I always get excited when an artist shows up here at WC from that part of the country and enjoy viewing their work.

AT any rate....welcome to our forum! Enjoyed your work....

Larry

[Aisling]

"Cameron clan. Fort William"

Inverness area, here. Wow, I bet we're distantly related somehow. ( I found another Simpson on line who lives in Scotland too. I have him on yahoo IM now and we talk every once in a while. ) I'm fond of telling people how that if it weren't for the Highland Clearances, people from our part of Scotland would be rich now from selling tickets into Loch Ness. <sigh> I have a way with animals and I'm SURE I could have had Nessy charmed out of the water and on display somewhere by now.

"wow....what a wonderful progressive drawing....!!!! I really enjoyed viewing that piece!!!!"

Thanks for the "snaps", Larry. Your compliments are making me feel better today. I'm having a rough morning and am trying to get ready to meet a bunch of artists from Wet Canvas meeting this afternoon for the first time in OKC. I found them last night in the events section just in the neck of time! However, people in my home aren't being quite helpful with my trip, though... Their reactions have been throwing cold water on my confidence as an artist. No, I take that back. I should have said "as a PERSON"! So, thanks for the kudos. I needed them!

There's also more to the story of this painting. It took 20 years to get it to the finished (?) product you see now. Again, it started with the vision at the Michael Card concert, progressed from there to the fact that I had to "Die with Christ", ( ie : my false selves had to be eradicated ), and this produced the first black & white version. Now that I have come to the end of that journey, having even unwittingly become more people than I thought as I was trying to run away fom the REAL *Me*, "color" has been added to everything in my life- including that painting.

It sat for years in it's original B&W state as *I* went through the "UN-creation" process, ( Sarah Ban Breathnach calls this an excavation process getting rid of the piles of dirt/sand hiding the real treasure beneathe ), then when *I* got to the place where God wanted me, the colors were added. I finished it just last year. Then I spent one year, ( which is somehow the norm for me ), in a grieving process. I'd call it a rest, but it was almost worse than going through everything I'd endured before all at once. Maybe it was so bad so that I'd never go back to "Egypt" again. Who knows?

Anyway, the "UN-process" of the painting of the picture, ( taking me from a dirtied/muddied "B&W state" to a revealed "Color Filled Life", like a Michelangelo that's been Restored!!!! ), coincided with my Reality. That picture became the portrait of my experience also. It was actually pretty cool, ( I say now from the safety of my own room, desk, with a cup of wonderful tea in my hand. ) I think artists have so much to say about this because it's what we all go through to GET TO our "Originial" work!

"I bought and read a smaller book sometime ago, just pulled it off my shelf again called, "The Celtic Way of Evangelism- How Christianity Can Read the West...Again" by George G Hunter III..... a very good book on living in a way that reaches by means of the Celtic form of community rather than how modern churchianity is doing it."

I like that term : "Churchianity". I'm going to have to look up all of these books including : "Less Is More". It's not on the US Amazon site; maybe the UK will have it? I'm a big believer in community also; family especially because:

"I was first drawn to it...because I am for the most part Welsh...my natural birth mother 100%...born in north Wales, in Oswestry. I have many relatives, cousins and aunts still over there, but I have yet to afford opportunity to visit. I always get excited when an artist shows up here at WC from that part of the country and enjoy viewing their work."

it looks like we have adoption (?) in common besides a Celtic background? I had no idea I was Scottish, so I would search around when young to see which nationality I was drawn to. First came the French and then when I heard the bagpipes for the first time, I just KNEW I HAD to be Scottish. Much later I found my originial family. ( That's another miraculous story. I can't even say that *I* found them. They were another Gift. Details will come later. ) From learning my clan through them, I found the Frasers had the good sense to defect from France and become Scottish. The french word for Fraser actually means "Strawberry", which is our symbol on our "Coat of Arms". ( I'm thinking in pictures and losing words. ) I was being drawn even then.....

I'm not from there per se; I was born in America, but I don't let that stop me from claiming my heritage. It took me so long to simply validate it, I don't let go of it easily. It's probably also why I want to be a part of the Celtic "Community". It was a "long walk" HOME and I want to "belong". My adoption didn't work out well nor did me finding my original family, therefore, I just want to "stay with my roots...." Those roots seem to be with Scots/Celts and my innate experience with Divine Inspiration that ended up being more Celtic in Nature than not.. Again, I was draw to that Home also so that's what I'm settling into as my REAL Life now. The rest was all other "me's"/personas trying to fit in places where I never really belonged in the first place - "like an adoption that didn't fit"!

Thanks for the welcome, gang. I have a feeling this will all work out nicely here. I actually even remembered that I stumbled across the forum on Easter Sunday. I can get better affirmation for this new direction than that!


Aisling Art & Design

[sassybird]

This is a powerful image, with the light and life of Christ streaming out to touch the lives of all. This was done all in CP? You really got some wonderful effects from the medium.

[Aisling]

Thanks Charissa. This started out as graphite then ended up in mostly Prismacolor colored pencil. I just over-layered it, then used an eraser to get the glowing effects.


Aisling Art & Design