coming out of a block...any advice?

[knotty]

I am coming out of a deep block when my mother attempted suicide after I told her that I would not give up my art and the rest of my stuff which she wanted me to do because she is wanting to escape from stalking which has been going on for several years. However, I can give up alot, but not my art, some which cannot be recreated because I am a different person at 35 than when I was 16.
Well I told my sister and brother what she was doing, and they called her and were horrible to her which just pushed her over the edge and she cut her wrists multiple times while I was napping. I woke up to her screaming the strangest scream, and I walk out to a scene that looked like CSI with blood everywhere and her covered in it. Well it has been a year, and I have really struggled with a strong block because of this. She is doing better, each day is its own journey, but she is better slowly. My artist block is starting to thaw out, any advice on how to bust through this block?

Sorry for the graphic detail, but such is my life.

Jojo

[artyczar]

Sounds like my mom.

I'd paint my feelings. After my mom died, I couldn't work for about a year. I did a few pieces, but I wasn't in work mode like I once was. I'm still trying to get that momentum back. (It's been 3 years now.)

If you're still struggling with the trauma of it all, why not express it artistically? Does that give you any sort of muse at all? Or maybe positive memories of her when she wasn't pulling such "stunts?" Perhaps she has always been this way? My mom always was attempting it since as far back as I could remember, and she poured the guilt on me, etc. etc. I'm sure you know the drill.

Art has saved me from all this dysfunction in my family. My family members have been the subject of my work in fact. Now that both my parents are passed, it's a bit hard to find a muse for me. I was using them in my work as a way to almost sarcastically cope with it all. Now I don't feel so sarcastic anymore. I'm onto new things - in transition if you will. You might be too. That's okay. New work will come and it will be something you can watch develop.

How to get started? Just start. Maybe start by sketching out rough ideas about your feelings. See what comes out. Those are my thoughts.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I feel a kinship with you though. Not too long ago, I created a really heavy piece about all my mom's mental illness. I think that helped me break through. It makes people shudder though.

[Use Her Name]

If you are 35 why do you still live around her. I am not trying to be crude here, but is there a bit of co-dependence going on? At 35 you should not really be affected by what your parents "want" or "don't want." By that time, you should be your own person.

I am sorry that she had to Act Out. It sounds like she needs some help, but I think you should leave that to professionals and get on with your own life.

Move to another state, or you will still be saddled by her when you are 55.

[fritzie]

knotty, my heart goes out to the whole family for what you have been through. While your situation may remind people of things they have lived through, these situations may be more different than they appear. People also vary in the resources available to them to stabilize.
I think you and your mother both deserve some professional help in seeing healthy ways forward. I hope you are able to find such help, both of you.

[Aires]

I am very sorry for what you have had to go through and I don't think answer can provide an answer that fits every situation. However, I think writing or painting are very good ways to unleash a lot of the tension within. Perhaps thinking in terms of expressing your feelings through your art work will help you in your adjustment to what has been a very difficult year. Glad to hear your mother is improving and that you are now able to think beyond the immediate situation. Best wishes for better days ahead.

[La_]

good on you for being there for your mom.

paint, whenever you can, whatever you can.
paint your thoughts, your feelings, yourself, your mom, your yard, your street ...

just paint

turn on your music, or shut your door to noises
turn off your guilt, your distraction
let your thoughts relax
and paint what your brush tells you to paint

la

[Chromaman]

What La said should work wonders for you.

[RVM45]

That is a terrible thing to have happen.

One of the Platitudes that people spout--even when they should know better--is:

"Time Heals All Wounds."

That is Arrant Nonsense. Some Wounds Never Heal.

Nonetheless, if you'll work on being Strong and Going Forward.....

Time will let almost all wounds "Scab Over" and "Numb Down" a good bit--if you'll let the process happen.

As far as your Art:

Seriously, sometimes events will happen that are so drastic that they will totally ruin something for you.

Only you can decide if your Mother's Suicide--at least nominally directed at your refusal to give up your Art--Has totally spoiled your Art Experience.

If your Art is Irrevocably Derailed, then find something else.

If you are gearing up to argue with that statement, I'd say that is an excellent indication that it doesn't apply to you.

Ask yourself, "What am I Doing?" and "Why?"

Ask these questions often and don't be satisfied with Flip answers.

In Life, Everyone occasionally boards the wrong train. Thing is, once you realize that you're headed in the wrong direction.....

Don't mark time until you get to the next Station. Pull that Old Emergency Rope and get off right there and then, though it be smack-dab in the middle of a Desert or Wilderness.

Start back the way you came, if possible.

If not, sit with your baggage and wait for the first means of transportation back toward the Light.

Even if you're stalled, at least every step, and every moment doesn't take you farther away from where you Want to be.....

Perhaps where you Need to be.

And I'd be cheating you--and myself--if I didn't add that Jesus can be a very real and present help in all life's problems.

.....RVM45

[Carcharhinus]

I'm not entirely sure how your art and stalking are involved with each other. Does she want you to give it up to move elsewhere (In which case, can't you just take it with you?) or are you fairly high profile so that you can be found via your art/exhibitions etc?

Either way, if I'm not confused, that is a problem that has specific measures in place to prevent it from happening or to stop it happening, especially if it has that kind of an emotional impact on the victim.

It sounds like a problem that can be solved with a little effort elsewhere is being at least partially offloaded on to you to ease the psychological stress of someone else. Two people shouldn't be made victim to ease the time of one.

But I don't have the whole picture so I can't really comment on it in depth. It is affecting your art though and it seems like until it is solved it's going to be in the back of your mind and possibly causing more problems.

I'd face the problem head on with some common sense. Put down a couple of plans of action for yourself and your mother. Say "Right, here's how this can be fixed, and this is how we're going to do it." and do the same for your art and yourself. It may take some effort but there are always things in place to help people in your situation.