Re: good enough for commissions?
"Arty"...you may want to purchase some artist quality pastels before you hang out your shingle. The better the pastel, the better the outcome, in my opinion. I do the same with my art for doggie rescue, I painted on-site a few weeks ago, they had raffle prizes, tickets were $1.00 each (US) and my box had the most tickets....it can be a great way to raise money. I think your portrait is good, I agree with you about the eye. What kind of paper did you use? You might re-think painting on a black surface. Hope that helps.
"Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not get bent out of shape..."