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  #436   Report Bad Post  
Old 03-16-2002, 09:51 AM
joemajury joemajury is offline
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Belfast. N.Ireland
 
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LITERATURE AND CULTURE

If you are stuck in any pub in Ireland while waiting for friends to arrive from the hotel or B&B, you can always ask the barman to lend you some reading matter to peruse while killing the time. Simply ask to borrow "Jack's paper".

Ireland's leading playwright is Samuel Beckett, but a lot of his works were hit-or-miss. You can impress many fellow theatre-goers in one fell swoop by saying (in an expert voice): "Yes, but his last tape was Krapp!"

Ireland's most famous author during St Patrick's times was called Kelly. Even though he only wrote one book, if you are passing Trinity College it's a good chance to see his oeuvre. Simply ask anyone on the campus "Where's Kelly's book?"

Ireland's most famous postcard is a turf-cutting scene by the great postmodernist artist John Hinde. You can now get your photograph taken with the donkey actually used in the scene: simply ask your taxi driver to take you to the popular seaside resort known as "Ballymun Flats".

If another couple of tourists ask you to take a photograph of them, always be glad to do so. Then when you are handing them back their camera, be sure to drop it on the ground so they won't be bothering anyone else! And always be on the lookout for people taking pictures of one another in front of historic buildings. Simply walk behind them, jump up and down, pull stupid faces and give them something to remember and cherish when they return home!

Joe
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Old 03-16-2002, 09:52 AM
joemajury joemajury is offline
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Belfast. N.Ireland
 
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Wink OTHER PATRON SAINTS

While St Patrick's Day celebrates Ireland's most famous saint, it is also the day when Dublin taxi drivers mark the anniversary of their own patron saint. They will give you a very concise potted history to you - simply ask them "What about Chris Barry then?"

St Patrick was closely associated with St Theresa. If you want a horticultural treat in Dublin, ask your taxi driver to give you a flying tour of Thresa's Gardens. Or pop over to the 17th-century stately home where the third secret of Fatima is stored - it's called the Fatima Mansions.

Joe
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Old 03-16-2002, 09:53 AM
joemajury joemajury is offline
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Belfast. N.Ireland
 
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Wink ST PATRICK'S DAY ON TV

Ireland's most loved broadcaster is Gay. The other most popular broadcasters, particularly around St Patrick's Day, are called Bibi, Clare and Liam O Murchu.

Irish television stations like to use the St Patrick's Day celebrations to cover various cultural events. This year the spotlight is on a 24-hour version of J. M. Synge's classic, "The Playboy of the Western World". If you would like to drop in on it, simply ask the hotel porter whether they can tune you in to the "Playboy" channel.

Ireland's longest-running fly-on-the-wall documentary is set in Dublin and is called "Fair City".

Irish television station RTE is also curently showing an excellent "docu-soap" about one of St Patrick's real-life descendants. His favourite prayer is "Well holy god" and he is called Miley.

Joe
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Old 03-16-2002, 09:54 AM
joemajury joemajury is offline
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Belfast. N.Ireland
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
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Wink GETTING AROUND

If you need to get back from the city centre to your B&B or hotel in a hurry, why waste £££s on a taxi? Simply hail any bus that displays the sign "An Lar". it will take you straight to your door, and all for just a standard fare of 20 pence! Many buses that service hotels in Dublin also have no tops.

But the cheapest of all forms of transport operating on St Patrick's Day is the ponies and traps that congregate around St Stephen's Green. They will transport you and your family from the centre of Dublin to the hills of Wicklow at St Patrick's day prices (i.e. circa AD 385) - just a few groats or two shekels or a shilling (5p) for the round trip.

Many ordinary motor vehicles in Ireland also double as part-time tour buses during the holiday period. Simply flag one down and ask the driver "Do you fancy a ride?"

Joe
  #440   Report Bad Post  
Old 03-16-2002, 09:56 AM
joemajury joemajury is offline
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Belfast. N.Ireland
 
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Wink NIGHTLIFE

Throughout the evening of St Patrick's Day various historical pageants take place in several districts of Dublin. To capture this wonderful mardi gras atmosphere, make sure you take a stroll down Mount Street, Fitzwilliam Square or outside Collins's Barracks. And to get a condensed and quick history of the area, simply ask one of the young people you encounter if there is any chance of "a quickie".

Make sure not to miss the late-night evening rituals by taking a scenic journey on the Nitelink. These inexpensive tours are extremely popular, particularly with the youngsters of Dublin. Be sure to sit upstairs, in the rear seats, as it is easier to take photos with that new digital camera.

It's always best to blend in with the natives in local clubs and nightclubs on St Paddy's Day night It is traditional to wear white socks and trainers, or leprechaun outfits.

Joe
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Old 03-16-2002, 09:57 AM
joemajury joemajury is offline
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Belfast. N.Ireland
 
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Wink COUNSELLING

If - heaven forbid - you have your handbag snatched during your otherwise pleasant stay in the Emerald Isle, simply phone the 24-hour tourist helpline. It's called "The Ryahh Line". Ask to speak to Gerry.

Joe


( if any of the above confuse you a little, feel free to PM me )
  #442   Report Bad Post  
Old 03-16-2002, 09:58 AM
joemajury joemajury is offline
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Belfast. N.Ireland
 
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THE END !!!!!!!!!!!!
Hope you have enjoyed.
Same time - same place, next year .
Best wishes

Joe
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Old 03-16-2002, 04:22 PM
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Bendaini Bendaini is offline
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Use to denote nudity/mature subject matter

These are from my baudy baladiers CD... somewhat expisit


There once was a man from Migrass
Who had a magnificent ass
Not rounded and pink
As you probably think
But was gray, had long ears, and ate grass

There once was a man from plein air
Who had a lass on the stair
But the banister broke
On the 33rd stroke
And he finished her off in mid air
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  #444   Report Bad Post  
Old 03-17-2002, 06:18 PM
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auntie_chaos auntie_chaos is offline
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Thanks Joe for the month of smiles and laughs! Have enjoyed reading your jokes leading up to this ... the big day. Hope you and everyone has had a wonderful St.Patricks Day!!
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