Art & Motherhood

[lumiere33]

congratulations for the baby.
working at home is a trap and you're falling into it. you'll turn out just as a housewife and a mother, no more an artist.
don't let the baby take all your time and prevent you from working, you'll hate him and your husband as well for that. Get somebody to look after the baby some hours everyday.

[caldwell.brobeck]

Well, I'll be the voice for the other side. (I was a single parent for a long time, though not as a mother, but as a father. The kids are grown and gone now). And I'd say that having kids can be one of the best things in the world for your creativity, because you learn the hard fact that life is no longer all about you, your desires, your entitlements, or your immediate gratifications. You learn what is important, and what is not; you learn how to work under pressure and when you think you can't go on any longer, well, you find you can. You learn how to sustain a commitment through all sorts of unwelcome events and adapt to difficult problems.

And the payoff is that everyday you get to see the world through new eyes.

There's an article up on The Tablet that's somewhat related, on the poet/candy store owner Herschel Silverman. I particularly like this quote:

Family is the most important thing. I met some successful but really screwed-up folks, who didn’t really know what it’s all really about. If you stick it out with the kids doing the right thing, kids will support and sustain you spiritually.

[AllisonR]

Originally Posted by caldwell.brobeck

Well, I'll be the voice for the other side. (I was a single parent for a long time, though not as a mother, but as a father. The kids are grown and gone now). And I'd say that having kids can be one of the best things in the world for your creativity, because you learn the hard fact that life is no longer all about you, your desires, your entitlements, or your immediate gratifications. You learn what is important, and what is not; you learn how to work under pressure and when you think you can't go on any longer, well, you find you can. You learn how to sustain a commitment through all sorts of unwelcome events and adapt to difficult problems.

And the payoff is that everyday you get to see the world through new eyes.

There's an article up on The Tablet that's somewhat related, on the poet/candy store owner Herschel Silverman. I particularly like this quote:

Bolding mine. I would not say you are on "another side". This fits exactly. Kids make you mature and develop in a way nothing else can - and this does get reflected in your work. Having a dog doesn't cut it, babysitting doesn't cut it. The parenting, 24/7 365, second after second and year after year does it. This does not make parenthood more "special" or more "superior" or more anything else than a life without kids, but it does make it different. I'd say enjoy the very first years and have no expectations for your art, except only happy if you get any. But after your kids are no longer babies, find a time for your art again - and be firm about that time. Either by having a babysitter, or having your kids in daycare a few days a week, or having your husband take a 4 day work week and have the kids full-time one day.... however you want to work it. But do make a real plan. Trying to be great mom, great wife, clean house, minimal time for friends, great artist... is only going to give you burn-out.

[lumiere33]

of course having children is great, I'm a happy mother too. but I've just wanted to warn, not to ffall in the trap of being just a mother, 100% of your time and forgetting about your work which makes you happy too.

[Packingrobot]

Very nice and appropriate information you posted. Thanks for sharing with us.

[XenophonicScream]

You're not alone. I also am a new mom (he'll be 9 months on Sunday) and I found my artistic career a bit uprooted for a while. I was living off my art, 2-8 paintings a month, running an appointment-only tattoo studio, the works. And then everything nearly came to a complete halt, because being his mom was the most important thing. I started to become depressed, family thought it was post-partum. Which in a way I suppose it was, but in all reality it was me, an artist, being depressed about not making art. It had been so long that I got really good at making up excuses to not do it, haha.

I agree with some others that having a child has helped my art in some ways, though. I don't take that time for granted. I find myself paying more attention to detail, and frankly, just enjoying the process more than I ever did before. I average about 1-2 hours a day (broken up between nap times and after he goes to bed for the night) and I'm blessed with that, but I remember the 3-4 month stage, and that was when I was in my worst state.

For me, it came down to the fact that the pain of not painting exceeded the pain of painting. And when I say "pain" I mean the set up, the process, actually DOING it.

Make some time for yourself, absolutely. But make sure you soak up that baby love! They're only that young for one day <3

[maandpafilms]

@oliveoy Thanks for taking a look at the trailer for my film. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm hoping for an early Fall release. I've been so busy I haven't had a chance to check back with this forum. But one thing I've been doing lately that somehow helps me feel like I haven't abandoned all creative impulses is to make a drawing every single day. I don't have to spend a lot of time on it. I deliberately make them small and there are days that I don't get to it but I make up for it the next day. I started doing that on my birthday in February and I have quite a stack. Even if some of them are terrible I see that growing stack and think, hmmm at least I'm disciplined. Plus I'm trying to finish my film so that takes a lot of time!!

One last thing: When my daughter was one and a half and my husband was out of town working most of the time, I felt so trapped in this world without intellectual stimulation. Don't get me wrong, there were times I loved it but to be perfectly honest sometimes it was so excruciatingly boring. So again I set up a "practice." I got my video camera out and taped ten minutes of my day for an entire year. That was more ten years ago and I just looked at all the tapes. My daughter is so damn cute and I simply can't understand why I didn't hug and kiss her 24/7 but then I see shots of my self looked haggard and exhausted and I remember how tiring that time is. Anyway, I'm so grateful I have the footage. And who knows it might become some kind of project? Thanks!

[Heart Of Darkness]

Hi

I'm the mother of 7 year old and 11 month old daughters. My 7 year old hasn't posed any problems in regards to me having time to paint but my 11 month old has until recently. Even when the little one was sleeping long enough for me to theoretically grab an hour painting, I was either too tired or had to try and gather the energy to tidy the house up etc.

I found it depressing to begin with but eventually I realised being mum is more important so I put the art on the back burner. Now she sleeps for 12 hours at night, I spend an hour or two painting most evenings.

Treasure your little one as they grow up so fast!

[melmodramatic]

I am so happy to come across this thread, I have a almost 3yr old and it is so hard to get time in, I am trying to really get out and sell, be a mom and work in a full time stressful job of gov contract aviation but what I find that works and thank god she loves art is to set up my girl with her art stuff next to me. I even did this when she was a baby but with pudding or something that was mouthable. In fact her daycare is amazed by her creative nature for her age and her intelligence which I owe to getting her involved in art and reading. Paint with your munchkin and get them in art just dont turn your back or kiddo might try to "help" mamma

[LMWilliams]

Hi! I've got an 8 month old and a 2 year old. My eldest came along just at the start of my career and everything had to stop. Plain and simple. I had a second attempt just before i got pregnant with my youngest but had to cancel my exhibition because i was just too sick and tired. I couldnt do it. And it drove me nuts. I was literally climbing the walls, stroking my tubs of paint in the dark, talking to paintbrushes etc (ok, I'm lying), but yeah, it was painful trying to be anywhere near creative and the mother I need to be. I started reading the Artists Way by Julia Cameron (popular book- you'll love it or hate it), and I started to examine the time I spent doing stuff to find more time to be creative. The book INSISTS you find time and you think it's impossible but I managed to squeeze it in.

First thing I did was to avoid wasting my time on stuff like TV, reading celeb gossip, Facebook and do art stuff when I could do it. This wasnt every day and it wasnt for very long most times. If i really struggled hubby would babysit for while to let me play. I needed it to switch off from how intense motherhood was! I described myself as a Part Time artist, figured out my daily hours (round about 12hrs a week), and began working to that. I am a full time mum, essentially I'm doing two jobs if i do art as well so i wasnt expecting miracles. Yes I could get child care but the way I see it is that I don't want to miss their childhood OR give up my art. I just have to hack them both together without upsetting anyone. It's nearly impossible but some how I'm managing to progress- I have entered competitions and have an exhibition coming up and gallery interest in my latest work. I'm enjoying it. When I have to force it I know something's wrong. And I don't forget that in a year or two they'll be in pre-school and I'll miss all this chaos terribly. Do I still envy those sexy young things with no children who draw and paint all day, till the early hours, bemoaning their lack of fine wine and perfume? Yes I do. I wish many many children upon them. Clever ones. Who like to imitate and draw pretty pictures all over their expensive shabby chic cream sofas in black biro.

[melmodramatic]

I read artist way a long time ago and struggled with the religous aspect but I dug it out of my bookshelf to revisit.
I guess we all as moms see our struggles in trying to create, your story LM Williams is actually what I dream of to stay at home and raise my kiddo as my job, and no I am not saying it is easier in fact I would see it as harder my job at least gives me adult conversation but I would find more time to create if I didnt sit behind a desk for 8-12 hours a day dreaming of art. There are nap times, or being able to stay up later after my girl goes to sleep secertly i pray to be laid off, then again when I take vacation for mommy and daughter week I am so assed out from toddler time that I pass out with her too so maybe no staying up late lol. I am not slandering just envious that you get to stay home it is a life i want. I love my girl so much I wish I could spend more than 350pm-830pm weekdays with her although weekends are still hers every second. do you have your kids paint with you? I know it is a messy messy... wait very messy thing to do but it helps increase time, and your hubby giving you time is so cool!
It is commendable that you dont do child care, I didnt think moms would just put their kids in daycare when they could be with them but I guess alot do, I learned that over July 4th when I struggled to find sub daycare so I could go to the aviation job and I had to fight with moms who just have their kids in care for time off from their own children that actually makes me sick. Well I am rambling just know I wish I was in your shoes, and what a handful with a 8mos and 2yr old I just have one and I exhausted. keep making time for art because every mom is a better mother when they get a little time to be unmommy and do something they love. I use to feel so much guilt but then I noticed I was refreshed.

[ViridianVixen]

I have been searching for any thread that touches on raising kids AND trying to balance artwork. Thank you! I wish I had seen this sooner. I have 4 year old triplets. During the summer of 2008, I was working with an amazingly talented artist who was my mentor. I was learning so much and progressing fast. I felt so good about my progress as an artists and was very confidant in myself. Then when I was put on bedrest in my second trimester, I focused all the energy i had left on reading books about raising multiples and networking with other triplet moms. When the triplets finaly arrived, I was in complete survival mode. Trying to nurse, pumping, and supplementing with bottles all night long was a time in my life I will never forget. It was exhausting and I never craved or appreciated sleep before like I did then. Art was ALWAYS in the back of my mind. But I told myself I would come back to it someday, but right now, I was raising 3 kids and even the smallest task, like cleaning the house or packing a diaper bag, felt like I was climbing Mount Everest. They stopped napping early on, at a ge 2. So I lost any free time I had to doodle. My real passion is painting and the thought of setting up my paint, prepping and then attempting to paint was hopeless. I still have not picked up a brush yet and they are 4 yrs old. I actually placed a new canvas on my easel and I walk past it everyday just staring at it, knowing the art is inside of me and there will come a time when I can devote myself again to it. I REALLY appreciate all of this advice and perspective. I am an "all or nothing" kiind of girl, so painting or drawing in 15 minute increments is so foreign to me. My new goal is to work small, as someone else here had suggested. I just ordered a new sketch book and some watercolors. I am exited to tip toe back in to my passion. I LOVE my children and have learned so much from them and couldnt imagine my life without them. I also live for art.... music, culinary, visual.... it is IN me. It is what makes me tick. All I can do is my best. It is a balancing act and I am learning.

[Avena Cash]

Time will really fly by. Cherish the time when they need your touch and many many moments. You will be busy and overwhelmed for a little while but you will turn around and it will have flown by.

When my little ones were little I felt like I couldn't do anything else. (We have four children now 18yo, 13yo, 13yo, and 10yo) Now they can cook and do laundry and go across town and babysit other people's children and I can work almost any time. We even homeschool and although I wish I had more time I still do have a lot.

I think with a 3 month old you shouldn't worry too much about it. Find something small and clean to play with during spare moments and when things shift for you again you will feel really passionate about finally getting more time for focused work-- and your work will probably develop a lot quite rapidly.