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  • #989351
    opainter
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        Do you know a good joke? If you do (and who doesn’t?) and if it is not
        racist and is clean, please submit it here!

        You get kudos, bragging rights, and extra credit, if any of the following
        apply:
        [INDENT]You keep your joke short.

        Your joke is original.

        For the enlightenment of the wit-challenged, such as myself,
        you explain why your joke is funny, so that we can eventually
        “get” it, even if we can’t figure it out on our own.
        [/INDENT]—-

        Let’s start. Here’s my contribution, which I can truthfully brag is original:

        Two printers were standing outside of their shops in the South Loop area
        of Chicago, having an argument about who had the better presses, the
        fastest turnaround time, etc., and a tourist interrupts them to ask them
        where he can find the famous Printers’ Row. One of the printers starts
        laughingly hysterically. The other printer and the tourist look concerned.

        Explanation: The tourist not only found the famous Printers’ Row, but he
        found two printers on Printers’ Row having a printers’ row.

        AJ (opainter), C&C always welcome
        :::: Helpful links for new users: User Agreement || Reference Images || C&C Suggestions || Color Theory and Mixing (color theory and color selection) || Full List of Forums
        :::: Painting Blog with an article now and then

        #1155300
        PAH
        Default

            Very funny.
            I am sorry to saw I cannot think of an artist joke at this present time. However, I figured you would do with a laugh having at least someone commenting on your joke. I am currently a newsletter editor for a cycling club. I tried to get subscribers to provide captions to funny pictures, and even offered rewards for best caption. I did not get a single response – go figure!
            This reminds me of a John Wayne movie:
            John Wayne: “Don’t you feel foolish wearing that hat?”
            Kate: “I NEVER FEEL FOOLISH!”
            John Wayne: “That’s because you don’t have a sense of humour.”

            #1155301
            tamouse
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                *oonph* Puns. Simultaneously the highest and lowest form of humour. :D

                Here’s mine: “His art teachers thought he was so bad they wondered how he could draw a breath.” (not original)

                Tamara Temple, aka tamouse__
                "May you never see a stranger's face in the mirror."
                #1155299
                WebCat
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                    You Must Be An Artist If….
                    -The only piece of new furniture you have in your home is a $2000 easel.
                    -You purchase a ton of books, and most are blank inside.
                    -There are Prussian blue fingerprints on your phone.
                    -You stay awake late at night wondering how to render on canvas the dimly lit shapes and the shadows in your room.
                    -When you go out, you are always stopping and gazing at the world around you.
                    -You clean your brushes in your coffee.
                    -You explain your deplorably bad housekeeping by saying, “it’s a work-in-progress…”
                    -You get a feeling of calmness from holding and stroking the bristles of your clean paintbrushes.
                    -At the gym you take note of the intense facial expressions of the heavy lifters.
                    -You never look at a person’s face as a whole. You break it up into shadows and lines and shapes, and think how they would look on a canvas.

                    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I can accomplish.[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Michelangelo[/B] [/COLOR]
                    Visit my Facebook page or my Website


                    #1155293
                    AlainJ
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                        How do you name an artist without talent?
                        An art teacher!

                        Alain - My Gallery - [FONT=Garamond]

                        #1155304
                        wetblender
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                            Why didn’t Picasso cross the road?

                            Because his mind’s eye already knew what a chicken looks like!

                            Why did Picasso leave the work force?

                            Because he didn’t pan out at the job he loved,… As a forensic artist!

                            Mike

                            #1155305
                            CherokeeBill
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                                A Man walks in Starbucks and sit’s down. He sets his potfolio down in front of him and order’s a small latte’.
                                Sitting next to him is a beautiful woman. She turns and ask’s him;
                                “Are you a Real Artist?”
                                “Well, I guess so” he replied. I paint landscapes, I do pen and ink portaits, I occasionally do a few murals,
                                and I have hundreds of colors of paint and numerous paint brushes, so, yes.
                                I believe I am a Real Artist.”

                                The woman sips her espresso, and reply’s;
                                ” I’m a lesbian.”
                                “I wake up thinking of beautiful women. When I’m at work I think about beautiful women. When I’m eating I think about them,
                                and even when I go to sleep at night.
                                All I ever think about is beautiful women.”

                                Sipping his latte’ A man comes in and sits down next to him.
                                “Are you a Real Artist?” the man asks.
                                “Well, I always thought I was…”
                                “But now, I think I’m a lesbian.”

                                Shoshone[/URL]

                                #1155297
                                opainter
                                Default

                                    An artist is the person who paints himself (or herself) into a corner.

                                    AJ (opainter), C&C always welcome
                                    :::: Helpful links for new users: User Agreement || Reference Images || C&C Suggestions || Color Theory and Mixing (color theory and color selection) || Full List of Forums
                                    :::: Painting Blog with an article now and then

                                    #1155279
                                    Carol F.
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                                        Probably my original; I use it often and so far no one says they’ve heard it :

                                        “Take it with a grain of Gestalt.”

                                        ~cfm

                                        #1155308
                                        pastel-chaos
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                                            oh my gouache

                                            #1155278
                                            WFMartin
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                                                Whaddya’ call a man with no arms, and no legs, hanging on the wall?

                                                “Art”.

                                                wfmartin. My Blog "Creative Realism"...
                                                https://williamfmartin.blogspot.com

                                                #1155309

                                                I call it a fable, because it may not even be true. It’s still a good fable.

                                                Picasso is sitting on a park bench sketching and a woman walking by recognized him. So excited to meet the great Picasso, she asked him to draw a sketch of her.

                                                He rolled to a new sheet on his sketch pad, and began; when he was finished, he peeled the sketch off and handed it to her. “That will be $5000.”

                                                “$5000?!” she screamed, “but it only took you five minutes!”

                                                “No madam, actually it took me my entire life.”

                                                "I'd far rather be happy than right any day." - HHGTTG
                                                http://www.scribblings-n-stuff.com

                                                #1155312
                                                Winterhold
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                                                    Not sure if this is the perfect thread for these and am also mildly worried I’m immediately building a reputation here of being absolute meme-trash, but these are ones that always got a giggle out of me:

                                                    #1155294
                                                    Dcam
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                                                        #1155296
                                                        Coastal
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