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  #16   Report Bad Post  
Old 04-26-2019, 08:14 AM
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Use Her Name Use Her Name is offline
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Re: Depression and creativity issues

I agree with Ken.

If you are treated badly at work, you quit that job and take another (hopefully). But when the bad treatment is for something that is essentially a part of your identity, it can cause a spiral that leads to depression. Quitting art is basically "firing yourself." You become a person in search of an identity and if that identity is a "sick person" or "feeling sorry for yourself" then that will harm you further. If you are going to switch identities, then get a strong one.
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Old 04-26-2019, 10:57 AM
Sarah Rose Sarah Rose is offline
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Re: Depression and creativity issues

Excellent advice Katy. I have a fortune from a fortune cookie stuck on the wall that reads “if we are all worms then be a glow worm”.

Harold, I am prepared to hire an attorney and wait the 2 years for a hearing. That could be just how it goes for me. The physical/emotional/psychological challenges of a disability are a lot to cope with, then when your identity and financial security is at stake it is almost too much to bear. It is a tough road indeed. Thank you for your comments on my paintings
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Old 05-03-2019, 09:42 AM
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LeahPaintsPonies LeahPaintsPonies is offline
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Re: Depression and creativity issues

To the OP, when I joined the military I became so focused on the concrete things in life and studying things for my job. I was so busy I didn't have time to be depressed, if that makes sense... But I had lost what felt like all my creativity. I used to draw and paint from my imagination all the time and I think after I enlisted I drew maybe 4 things in a span of 4 years. Once my workload lessened I became really depressed. I had no ideas for art and although I desperately wanted to draw and paint, it was easier just to sit on the couch and watch TV. I ended up getting out of the military and recently I worked retail at a chain art store. I helped someone carry huge canvases outside and she told me how she paints for a living. Seeing somebody right in front of me who was doing what I want to do just gave me that extra motivation to start back up again. You are already on here so that's good. I would recommend staying connected with other artists. You may find motivation from looking at other artwork a lot. For awhile I was jealous of everyone else who could create things I wanted to create and avoided looking at art, but now I look at paintings on Instagram a lot and find it keeps me motivated. I still have limited ideas (actually for awhile I didn't paint; I crocheted because all I had to do was follow a pattern) and I still use reference photos all the time. I'm struggling with the concept of even changing lighting and other aspects from the reference photo when painting. I have to force myself most days to get started painting, but once I start I really enjoy it. It's been a really slow process (I'm basically starting from scratch) but I feel like I am gradually getting my creativity back and the more I create, the happier I feel and the more I want to do more. Your situation reminded me a lot of mine so I hope hearing from someone who's starting to come out of a long depressive slump will help. I feel like I'm rediscovering who I am after years of trying to be someone I'm not.
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Old 11-02-2019, 06:07 AM
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artdragon86 artdragon86 is offline
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Re: Depression and creativity issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by Harold Roth
I went through a tough patch recently due to serious eye problems. Was quite depressed and full of fear about the future... Then I got sick of being paralyzed with fear and dismay and pressed the f***it switch. I am alive now and can see well enough right now. And I appreciate that.

Apologies for resurrecting an old thread, but I now find myself in a similar position to you. Since falling ill with the flu in August, I've started getting small blank patches appearing in my vision in both eyes, and though it doesn't affect my ability to write and draw yet, if it keeps progressing, it will eventually. Unfortunately the first specialist I saw wouldn't take me seriously (I also have an epiretinal membrane in one eye and she's decided that it's the cause of all my symptoms, even though it's physically impossible for it to affect the other eye), so I'm seeing another one in late November, but the wait is extremely stressful (I'm frightened that this specialist won't listen to me either or that it will be something progressive and incurable).

On top of that, I was forced to discontinue my PhD after 6.5 years (it was meant to be a 3 year project but I had 4 years of delays getting programmers to make the system I needed because I was told before I started it was 'almost ready' when it wasn't) and then more delays caused by the university moving me out of my office with no notice and mucking me around with giving me a new room, and then MORE delays when I needed to book interpreters for participants because there was a shortage but the agency didn't communicate this to me until the last minute. I asked the university in August for an extension in light of all these delays that were beyond my control and was basically told "You'll just have to discontinue." Even at that point, I was still going to try to finish it, but that was when I fell ill, so it was doubly impossible.

I feel like a failure and like I should be doing something worthwhile with my time - like art - but every time I get my paints out, I just stare at them for an hour and then put them away again. I'm struggling to find a way to break through this dark fog, and I don't even know if it's going to be possible until if/when my eye issues are sorted out. I've hardly been able to do any art for the last 6.5 years so the thought I might have wasted my last few years of having sight doing that instead of art or writing or things I like is really frightening and upsetting
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Old 12-02-2019, 06:09 AM
ntl ntl is offline
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Re: Depression and creativity issues

I am so reactive to common chemicals--the every day ones in personal care, household, laundry products as well as those in mattresses, shoes, people and house furnishings-as well as solvents--that for the recent twenty years I pretty much stay home.
I have COPD, which makes breathing difficult.
For the last eight to ten years or so, it seems that as breathing became more difficult, walking and standing did too. Sustained effort became more difficult to just plain too hard.
In May, my md/do left, then the replacement left, and if I stayed with that practice, the next md I could see was 3 months in the future--still two weeks away, and he wasn't an osteopath.
I looked for another doc as I did want an osteopath, because when my back goes out, and is pushed back into place, it is easier to breathe. And stand upright. And walk.
In September my foot got caught and I fell.
Xrays showed back problems I didn't know I had, which would (possibly) explain certain symptoms I had been experiencing even before the fall.
I have had back/spine problems all my life, this fall put an emphasis on them.

I wasn't really aware I was drifting into--falling into--depression, but I finally began to see I was just only sitting. I was aware enough to do life sustaining
chores. Had been looking for whatever help was available while I could and was about to inquire about electric wheelchairs. Hadn't been able to do anything much more than stare at the wall or into space for way too long.

I did find a doc, but at the time, a month after the fall, my back was still too tender, he wouldn't do anything. Six weeks later, he did some spinal manipulation. And a week after that. I became aware I was seeing subtle changes, so subtle I couldn't define them. Not sure I can now. But after several years of very sedentary living--(sleeping/sitting/sleeping/sitting ad infinitum) my body seemed to want to move. I was standing occasionally, walking around the house, doing little "hand" chores, even simple drawing. Saw him again for more spinal manipulation, then started wanting to get outside, go for a walk, even with dragging the O2 tank along. Then, I did some light yardwork.

I had always thought my decreasing ability to walk was related to COPD and respiratory distress. Now it seems that part of it--maybe a large part--was spinal, and as adjustments are made, they are affecting other areas beyond physical: mental, emotional, my perception of my self.

I still have COPD, it is progressive, but he did say if he could relieve the rib cage/muscles/structure, maybe it would be easier to breathe. I am now optimistic, where I haven't been for far too many years.

No oil painting yet, but I have done a few simple sketches and even a small watercolor.
I see him today, and if I can, twice more this week. I hope improvements will continue.
I don't know if the depression initially stopped my art works. I do know the declining physical ability did, which led to/contributed to depression which led to less desire and ability to even think about it or feel guilty about it. I was still able to get out of bed and sit...
I hope that as I can move more, that too will cascade into brighter mental/emotional health.
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Old 12-31-2019, 04:48 AM
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laf.art laf.art is offline
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Re: Depression and creativity issues

Ntl. I really hope that after the awful time you've had over the last few years that your new found doc wll continue helping your mobility and that your creativity will return, thereby helping with the depression. I wish you successful endeavours and a happy mobile 2020. Lyn
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Old 12-31-2019, 11:11 AM
Sarah Rose Sarah Rose is offline
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Re: Depression and creativity issues

I hope things are continuing to improve for you NTL. Thank you for sharing your story.
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Old 02-09-2020, 07:59 AM
tidal tidal is offline
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Re: Depression and creativity issues

yeah been there the last 50 yrs...can't afford a shrink so had to resort to self help stuff. Tried the silva method ie deep meditation and something miraculous happened actualy a real breakthrough like major inspiration got my mojo back with art I guess..however I still don't know if this just happened to me because I have also been reading some very stimulating (to me anyway) books on art ..or if it was the mediation don't know but something major shifted/ good luck it's allways worth a try..you tube has the silva meditation "centering exercise" (its free) you have to do it everyday and you should see results..it will should get you back to the core or the authentic roots of what art is for you or reconnect you if you have been disconnected from it.
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Old 02-10-2020, 01:05 PM
tidal tidal is offline
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Re: Depression and creativity issues

Plus also an all round approach is good the usual eat your veg stay of the grog etc
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Last edited by tidal : 02-10-2020 at 01:19 PM.
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Old 02-22-2020, 07:50 AM
philipgoetz philipgoetz is offline
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Re: Depression and creativity issues

It's hard to see the positives sometimes.

I teach audio video at a high school and I just went through our results in a statewide filmmaking competition and I have one film that made it to round 2. We submitted 3 films in 3 genres, narrative, documentary and animation. The state finalists films will screen nearby in Austin, TX end of this month and we aren't going.

Maybe next year.
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