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Old 03-20-2017, 05:01 PM
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Re: the first line of a novel

Hi La, I agree that first lines are very important but I think first paragraphs are what really make or break it. Even if the first line doesn't make me tingle with excitement I will always at least read the first paragraph. If after that I'm still not interested then bye bye!

I like the first one much better than the second! The fact that it appeals to me emotionally rather than situationally to me is a good thing! Plus it's funny and humor will grab me every time!😜 Maybe just shorten it a bit.
She had learned over the years how not to burn her nose while lighting a cigarette she found on the sidewalk.

Glad to see you're plugging away at it👍🙋🏻
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Old 03-20-2017, 05:19 PM
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Re: the first line of a novel

Quote:
Originally Posted by musket
The good writers I know all have two things in common-- they're voracious readers, and they're merciless revisers of their own work.

Yes to all of this
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Old 03-20-2017, 10:29 PM
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Re: the first line of a novel

Quote:
Sorry, Jon, but La's original version is more evocative than your revision.
No problem at all. I was just ruminating on the first part of the sentence which is why I placed the ______ for La_ to continue on with it.
An interesting thread and I am appreciating the many responses.
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Old 03-20-2017, 11:26 PM
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Re: the first line of a novel

whell, what a fantastic bunch of responses and words to chew on - thanks so much to everyone!

I didn't paint at all today, edited instead, for about seven hours, so i'm feeling pretty productive, yay me!

I've parked the 'weirdly' written novel for now (the dirt and mud one) in favour of this one, it being the first of the duo, tho i wrote it second. Definitely makes sense to get it fully organized before getting too committed to the details of the second, which came first, if one looks merely at history within it.
lol, confused yet?!

Anyway, both have 50+k words to them, convoluted as they are, so the basic premises are there, but editing, yeah, so much to do, so much to clarify, so much dialogue to add and refine.

It really is a completely different creative challenge compared to painting and my brush agrees, it's the keyboards turn.
Anything to avoid marketing artwork!

so, thanks again, you're thoughts really have been very helpful

la
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Old 03-21-2017, 03:39 PM
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Re: the first line of a novel

Quote:
Originally Posted by La_
whell, what a fantastic bunch of responses and words to chew on - thanks so much to everyone!

I didn't paint at all today, edited instead, for about seven hours, so i'm feeling pretty productive, yay me!

I've parked the 'weirdly' written novel for now (the dirt and mud one) in favour of this one, it being the first of the duo, tho i wrote it second. Definitely makes sense to get it fully organized before getting too committed to the details of the second, which came first, if one looks merely at history within it.
lol, confused yet?!

Anyway, both have 50+k words to them, convoluted as they are, so the basic premises are there, but editing, yeah, so much to do, so much to clarify, so much dialogue to add and refine.

It really is a completely different creative challenge compared to painting and my brush agrees, it's the keyboards turn.
Anything to avoid marketing artwork!

so, thanks again, you're thoughts really have been very helpful

la

Anytime you can get in 7 productive hours is a good day!

Good luck with the editing!
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Old 03-21-2017, 08:48 PM
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Re: the first line of a novel

I don't understand the 1st two words of the first sentence and, their significance toward the rest of the sentence. She came - are those words needed? Wouldn't one just need - having learned so much .... Blah blah blah...

Back to the drawing board for me.
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Old 03-22-2017, 11:55 AM
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Re: the first line of a novel

thanks croggly and ian
i'm on it

la
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Old 03-22-2017, 01:56 PM
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Re: the first line of a novel

Good luck with it, la la la!
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