ok, sorry so long, but I got riled up!
Keep growing, maturing, developing. I want to tell you that all scars are beautiful. Shallow ones in the flesh and deep ones in the mind and soul. Scars develop your character, and are the proof that you have the inner strength to survive.
Sometimes we live through powerlessness, when other people are grotesquely cruel, violent and abusive. Although they have done so wrong by us, we are the ones that suffer. We have the shame, the rage, the anxiety, the trauma. But those things we survived through teach us, develop us, enrich our character. We become fuller, more complex people.
I had something so horrid happen to me 7 years ago that I would not wish it on my worst enemy. I would not wish it on Adolph Hitler himself. I am scarred, and that is for life. I will never be who I was before. But that is irrelevant, because I am who I am. Now. And despite the scars, I am a much more powerful, much stronger, much more complex and rich person than the naive little girl I was before. I have the courage to tackle things now I never would have touched before.
It takes time - A LOT OF TIME - to heal. And it takes EFFORT, sometimes great effort. Just writing here on this forum is one of the ways to start you healing and I suppose you know that. There will be other things too. Maybe it is writing your experience, painting it, talking with a loved one, discovering meditation, xyz…. take the time and steps you need.
And no, you will never trust some things or some people or some situations again. There is nothing wrong with that. That is practical, common sense, instead of blind naiveté. That is listening to your inner gut. It is there for a reason. Listen to it.
Originally Posted by mariposa-art
I can't say I don't care ever what others think, but it helps to have a sort of "filter" in place, and realize that a lot of people do not have your best interests at heart. It's important to take that into account when listening to their opinions, especially when they expect you to make some drastic change in your own work or life, based just on their opinion alone.
This is very practical advise. I think all artists should have this filter. It will serve you well.
Originally Posted by Donald_Smith
The reason you forgive them isn't for them, but for you. Until you can forgive them, you will not get rid of the bitterness in your own life. By being mad at them, you're hurting you, not them.
It may take months or years to finally totally forgive them, but in the end, you will find that it is YOU that are the better person for it. Just think of the LOAD you feel, and how much better you would feel if you didn't have that load. It will free you up to be a better person and artist.
This is so true. And, after you forgive them, you forgive yourself. And that is truly wonderful.
Originally Posted by d-archer
My closest friend says to me, "Why don't you just let this issue die and forget it even happened!" And I reply, "Well, that's a good question!" Still working through it. I have kept right on creating art, though I am not as productive now as I was before this incident. Working on that.
People have said the same thing to me. It is a stupid, thoughtless comment. Think about it. If you could just let it die or let it go, you would have. Your reaction to be upset is a normal reaction. Just burying it will do you no good. Might be helpful for immediate survival, but it will bite you in the long run.
And you have to have a somewhat thick skin to be an artist, a musician, an actor… these fields are tough and competitive. So a lot of it is taking opinions like grains of salt. Listen to others, but listen to your heart more. You have to develop confidence in yourself, without it crossing into arrogance.
There are good people. One time a friend said something to me about not liking my new work, it didn't have any meaning to her and she wished I would go back to silk painting. Because I am strong and have heard all sorts of crazy stuff, it did not bother me that she said that. I mean, it's just an opinion, and she is entitled to her opinion. Plus, I would rather have criticism that is helpful than cushy "that is wonderful" bs all the time. So I forgot all about it. But she felt so bad, so ashamed, that she came and apologized to me twice afterwards. I reassured her that she is entitled to her opinion and that all is fine. The point is there are some hideous jackasses out there, but there are a lot more kind people, that occasionally say dumb things.
And lastly paint what you like. Painting what others want will be less true, and it will show in your painting.