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Old 12-30-2017, 06:12 PM
Trier Trier is offline
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Dart Bridge - WIP Backwards

Decided to post this before I ruin it completely in trying to correct execution mistakes. Making more missteps than I am correcting! Learning Oil Sticks.

The subject matter is a memory from the heart.

18x 24 in Shiva Oil Sticks on paper


The mistakes are obvious, but tell me any way so I don't miss any.

C&C needed
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Trier
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Old 12-30-2017, 09:47 PM
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birdhs birdhs is offline
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Re: Dart Bridge - WIP Backwards

My observations are as such:



This oddly shaped object seems not of the tree or the ground. Perhaps if it were of the same colors as the tree or larger in order to create a rock?



There are so many shapes and colors that it confuses the eyes. There is a tree trunk here but it is lost amongst the leaves.



These shapes are overwhelming the space. They lack continuity or cohesiveness. Either less complexity and / or colors.



The wheat fields (?) seem too similar to the sky color, but I love the sky just the way it is.



A lovely maiden dost stand upon the bridge? She be a wiffle smallish for the bridge,. There are so many lines around her I almost did not notice her.

Overall I like the concept and the bones of the composition. It lacks the stain glass feel of other pieces, but perhaps the medium is not as conducive to creating those shimmering colors.

Sorry for so much commentary, but your in my "favorite artists" list.

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Old 12-30-2017, 10:38 PM
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KreativeK KreativeK is online now
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Re: Dart Bridge - WIP Backwards

Well, Trier, I did not notice the "mistakes" you have cropped and talked about, really! To me it looked like a stained glass all right, and the only thing I saw might need help is some of the colors were too dark/muddy. That is all.
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Old 01-01-2018, 04:51 PM
Trier Trier is offline
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Re: Dart Bridge - WIP Backwards

Hey Hey Greggo !

Your commentary is most welcome. needed and valued . The more , the better, which is why I posted this WIP in the first place.

I appreciate the time and effrort you put into analysing this peice and agree with your observations re areas needing more work. No great surprises, thankfully.

I thought the presence on the bridge would be the most difficult on a couple of levels, and knowing how my figures in a landscape tend to grow as I work on them, I kept this a little small to start with, but have now worked myself into somewhat of a box. The immediate backgrouns surronding her should be dark enough to contrast and emphasize her radiiance, but the darkness tends to obscure the dominating tree next to it.

Please don't hold back or lessen you insightful comments, correcting mistakes is the best way for me to learn.

I'm beginning to think that I can't handle this medium well enough to get my desired stained glass effect. Acrylics were much easier.

I am woking on your suggestions right now and will post Version 2 at some point to get more valuable feedback.

Thanks for following my flailings, I feel lucky that you do.

Regards,
Trier
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Old 01-01-2018, 04:57 PM
Trier Trier is offline
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Re: Dart Bridge - WIP Backwards

Thank you Kay-

It's good to see that you approve the effort so far; as I told
greggo, I will post a follow on with enough changes, I hope, to qualify as a separate piece of art.

Regards,
Trier
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Old 01-01-2018, 05:34 PM
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Katie Black Katie Black is offline
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Re: Dart Bridge - WIP Backwards

Hello Trier I hope you are having a lovely day.

My observations are going to differ somewhat to Greggs..but that's okay isn't it?
it would be strange if we all saw the same.

At first glance, I immediately thought I would like this painting!

I actually like it more than the last one I commented on.

I took it into picassa and cropped it to highlight the areas which I think would benefit from some slight alterations.




If you look at the top of the painting, the area which is pale green I think would benefit from being a tad darker. Also, the area under the bridge could do to be darker IMHO. I agree with Gregg regarding the girl on the bridge.
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Old 01-02-2018, 06:43 PM
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Re: Dart Bridge - WIP Backwards

I love it. Tiffany glass!!
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Old 01-02-2018, 07:24 PM
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Re: Dart Bridge - WIP Backwards

really like the feel of this
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Old 01-03-2018, 02:04 AM
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Re: Dart Bridge - WIP Backwards

Hey Trier,

Happy New Year! I'm going to compare this one to the prior one.

The value composition is working well in both, but is more effective in the prior painting.

The colour scheme is more complex and interesting in this one, but more effectively harmonized in the prior piece.

The shapes are more interesting in this piece. It feels like a place I would enjoy visiting. However the cropping feels a bit too tight and the prior piece has a more comfortable roominess.

They are very different pieces, and I enjoy both for different reasons.
Cheers,
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Old 01-04-2018, 04:14 PM
Trier Trier is offline
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Re: Dart Bridge - WIP Backwards

Thank you Dear Katie -

I took your suggestions to heart and tried to follow them, and greggo's also.

However,
I am a little unsure about what you meant by "the area under the bridge could do to be darker". I made the yellow part of the field as seen under the bridge a little more chromatic to begin with and I don't know if you mean for me to darken everything under the bridge arch, or just put in darker shadow and reflection shapes.
I will have to leave the rest of it continue to be a WIP until I get enough skills to make further improvements.

I hope the attached image shows the darkening of the green field at least and the results of trying to follow greggo's observations.


Hi Susan -
Tiffany! Music to my ears, thanks a lot!


Hey ronaldb -
Glad you find it pleasing. Thanks.


Hey Rich -
That's a really helpful comparison you have made, thanks for taking the time and evaluating both paintings with a critical eye. Much appreciated.

Happy New Year

Regards to all,
Trier
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Old 01-04-2018, 05:20 PM
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Katie Black Katie Black is offline
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Re: Dart Bridge - WIP Backwards

Trier, it looks great! its a real beauty, well done
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Old 01-04-2018, 10:34 PM
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Re: Dart Bridge - WIP Backwards



original


revised

This is a really hard call to make! I like to comment on what I like, rather than a crit of dislikes. I do not consider myself an expert in any way shape or farm.
But.....side by side each one has something to like.
so...the original:
the colors seem cleaner and brighter with a luminescence. The work displays the glimmering unevenness of ripples / wavy glass. The lady in gold shines.

The revised version: the forms are simplified, a definite improvement. The lady stands out better, but I preferred the gold. In a way hard to describe,the revision seems duller, less like stain glass color, but the shapes are now more like a piece would be. Perhaps this medium works differently, I have never used it. I know how much work producing a piece of art takes.

greggo
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Old 01-15-2018, 06:10 PM
Trier Trier is offline
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Re: Dart Bridge - WIP Backwards

Hey all - perhaps the final update-

Since I have been using this piece as a learning experiment for handling oil sticks, as well as an adventure in general artistic advancement, I have found that struggling with various stick handling techniques has overwhelmed all else.

My next move was to somehow erase and reposition unwanted division lines which represent the ‘cames’ in the overtly stained glass iteration; I suspect that will result in permanent damage to the paper substrate so that any further development of the piece will become too difficult.

Anyway, here are possibly the last two versions of this particular WIP; one before and then with the division lines. \0


Added division lines(difficult)


C&C brutal honesty appreciated

Regards,
Trier
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Old 01-15-2018, 08:00 PM
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Re: Dart Bridge - WIP Backwards

I absolutely love the colors and composition! Fabulous!
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Old 01-16-2018, 06:23 PM
Trier Trier is offline
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Re: Dart Bridge - WIP Backwards

Thank you very much, Chaya!

I suspect we have the same tastes when it comes to a palette.

Regards,
Trier
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