Horrible "artist" mentor badly affected my career

[d-archer]

Originally Posted by artyczar

I had a few pieces with bears and bunnies in them and she felt I psychically should have known that she had a special "bond" with these animals. This was her grounds for my plagiarism, as was a sculpture I made of a fly she mistook as a bee (and she bonded with bees as well).

I think a horror stories thread is not such a bad idea. We could all learn a lot and probably get some laughs in too.

[NHyde]

Archer, your story sounds remarkably similar to a disquieting thing I saw unfold recently online. The "mentor" was openly berating another artist over a series of forum posts and the hostility disturbed me (he seemed unhinged, actually). It certainly seemed to me that the "mentor" was attempting to smear the artist and inflate himself. I was quite upset about it, and since then, I avoid the "mentor's" posts because it showed me he could not be trusted, neither as a "mentor" or a Christian (which he proclaims both).

Anyway, I offer my sympathy to you for your situation, but will also offer some gentle tough love. Get over it and make your art. If you need to pursuit legal channels in order to stop that idiot from screwing with your future earning potential in the form of galleries (and his threat to ensure you are blackballed), then take the legal option. Absolutely.

But as to the most important part of this -- don't let this sad excuse of a human intefere with your art making process. Reclaim that, in the name of abuse if you need to, but reclaim it! Get making your art, getting it out there, and don't give him the power to disrupt your artmaking.

I'm so sorry you've had to experience such crap and wish you well.

[d-archer]

NHyde,
Thanks for your kind post. Indeed, the "mentor" you speak of sounds very similar to the one I dealt with. He calls himself both a mentor and a Christian too. (Same person possibly?) In fact, my lawyer used that fact to his advantage when he communicated with this guy. Bringing the religious aspect into it. The "mentor" was also a hypocrite. He'd tell people to never try to drag another artist down and then he'd do it himself. Dangerous guy. Unstable.
Archer

[RobinZ]

Look, I had someone who is well known, well respected art commentator tell me I must be a marketing genius because my art wasn't "ready" to be bought.

I think of her every single time I deposit money into my account from art I sell.

I think of her when I buy something with the money from the art that I sell.

And I laugh.

Anyone can say and "be" anything on the internet. Let it go.

[AllisonR]

ok, sorry so long, but I got riled up!
Keep growing, maturing, developing. I want to tell you that all scars are beautiful. Shallow ones in the flesh and deep ones in the mind and soul. Scars develop your character, and are the proof that you have the inner strength to survive.

Sometimes we live through powerlessness, when other people are grotesquely cruel, violent and abusive. Although they have done so wrong by us, we are the ones that suffer. We have the shame, the rage, the anxiety, the trauma. But those things we survived through teach us, develop us, enrich our character. We become fuller, more complex people.

I had something so horrid happen to me 7 years ago that I would not wish it on my worst enemy. I would not wish it on Adolph Hitler himself. I am scarred, and that is for life. I will never be who I was before. But that is irrelevant, because I am who I am. Now. And despite the scars, I am a much more powerful, much stronger, much more complex and rich person than the naive little girl I was before. I have the courage to tackle things now I never would have touched before.

It takes time - A LOT OF TIME - to heal. And it takes EFFORT, sometimes great effort. Just writing here on this forum is one of the ways to start you healing and I suppose you know that. There will be other things too. Maybe it is writing your experience, painting it, talking with a loved one, discovering meditation, xyz…. take the time and steps you need.

And no, you will never trust some things or some people or some situations again. There is nothing wrong with that. That is practical, common sense, instead of blind naiveté. That is listening to your inner gut. It is there for a reason. Listen to it.

Originally Posted by mariposa-art

I can't say I don't care ever what others think, but it helps to have a sort of "filter" in place, and realize that a lot of people do not have your best interests at heart. It's important to take that into account when listening to their opinions, especially when they expect you to make some drastic change in your own work or life, based just on their opinion alone.

This is very practical advise. I think all artists should have this filter. It will serve you well.

Originally Posted by Donald_Smith

The reason you forgive them isn't for them, but for you. Until you can forgive them, you will not get rid of the bitterness in your own life. By being mad at them, you're hurting you, not them.

It may take months or years to finally totally forgive them, but in the end, you will find that it is YOU that are the better person for it. Just think of the LOAD you feel, and how much better you would feel if you didn't have that load. It will free you up to be a better person and artist.

This is so true. And, after you forgive them, you forgive yourself. And that is truly wonderful.

Originally Posted by d-archer

My closest friend says to me, "Why don't you just let this issue die and forget it even happened!" And I reply, "Well, that's a good question!" Still working through it. I have kept right on creating art, though I am not as productive now as I was before this incident. Working on that.

People have said the same thing to me. It is a stupid, thoughtless comment. Think about it. If you could just let it die or let it go, you would have. Your reaction to be upset is a normal reaction. Just burying it will do you no good. Might be helpful for immediate survival, but it will bite you in the long run.

And you have to have a somewhat thick skin to be an artist, a musician, an actor… these fields are tough and competitive. So a lot of it is taking opinions like grains of salt. Listen to others, but listen to your heart more. You have to develop confidence in yourself, without it crossing into arrogance.

There are good people. One time a friend said something to me about not liking my new work, it didn't have any meaning to her and she wished I would go back to silk painting. Because I am strong and have heard all sorts of crazy stuff, it did not bother me that she said that. I mean, it's just an opinion, and she is entitled to her opinion. Plus, I would rather have criticism that is helpful than cushy "that is wonderful" bs all the time. So I forgot all about it. But she felt so bad, so ashamed, that she came and apologized to me twice afterwards. I reassured her that she is entitled to her opinion and that all is fine. The point is there are some hideous jackasses out there, but there are a lot more kind people, that occasionally say dumb things.

And lastly paint what you like. Painting what others want will be less true, and it will show in your painting.

[AllisonR]

Originally Posted by artyczar

I think being an "artist" you are a magnet for all kind of interesting characters both good and bad, and many bottom feeders, hangers-on, vampires, harpies, predators, admirers, supporters, fans, stalkers, lovers, haters, and amazing wonderful friends. It's quite the undertaking to weed through it all and it's a very interesting life this one.

OMG, this is sooooo true. It's like the profession breads abnormalities. I am guessing it is the same with musicians, actors... hard to put everyone in their categories and stay sane.

Please start a thread about that cooky woman, we can all add our nut-jobs and have a laugh.

[artyczar]

I think I will start a "Horror Stories" thread.