Horrible "artist" mentor badly affected my career

[d-archer]

Hi all. This is my first posting on this site, looking for insight on an awful experience I had early in my career that has adversely affected me ever since. Several years ago, I came across a certain individual on the Internet who expressed an interest in mentoring me to success. He was full of brags about how well he and his wife (also an artist) had done in their art careers, and I was thoroughly (and naively) certain that this guy truly saw my talent and genuinely wanted to help me. (I had been painting professionally for a couple years prior to meeting him. He told me he could take me to the "next level." )

To make a long story short, I opened my soul to him, telling him about my art related troubles, asking many questions over a period of months about painting and business. It wasn't til later that I found out that he had been forwarding what I thought were private emails to his email list, and later I discovered that he published the content of several of our conversations in a book he wrote about being successful in art. I was mortified. This information was sensitive to me and I trusted that they were just between he and I. When I confronted him about it, he struck like a snake. He said many nasty things to me including that I'd never learn how to paint. He started dragging my name through the mud to his associates and email list. I eventually had to get a lawyer involved to stop the harrasment. I was so shocked that someone I trusted so implicitly would do all this to me that it affected my career for years. He was only looking to mine information out of unsuspecting inexperienced artists so he could use it as fodder for the books he was writing. My question to everyone here is this. How can I get this idiot and his abuse out of my head? I know I have talent as my originals sell nearly as fast as I can make them, yet this so-called "mentor"'s hateful words and actions live in my brain as I try to work and improve my art.
Archer

[BitsOfNature]

Wow.

Wow.

I'll say it again -- wow. I often wonder why I don't fall for such because I'm a very trusting person, and would have never imagined that someone would send out such dialog.

I wish I had some stronger advice for you, but I think you've nailed the main thing: people are acknowledging your talent in what's probably the most meaningful way: $$. It's easy for someone to ooh and ahh about works but do they like it enough to buy it and hang on the wall, that's the vote of confidence for me. There's a lot of stuff I see that I think is good, interesting, technically well executed, but would I want to look at it every day above my fireplace mantel? Not necessarily.

I was just in a local show, took 2nd with a piece. Not bad, but I was a little annoyed to lose out to a B&W piece that I think was just so-so (warning: not an unbiased observation). But what made me happy was I was one of only two people to sell anything at the show, and it was a pair of prints, so I was quite pleased with that vote.

Take heart!

Regards,
Dale

[d-archer]

If someone else can learn from my experience, all the better. I think in general a lot of artists, especially those just starting out, tend to be overly trusting, and to them I say, be really, really careful who you tell what. The guy I mentioned about above is still out there and is still purporting to want to "help artists" through his books, articles, etc. What he really wants to do is help his ego and his pocketbook. I'd love to put his name here but I feel I'd be lowering myself to his level if I did, so I don't. I'm doing my best to try and forget I ever met him but it's hard.

[Bringer]

Hi Archer,

Positive advice: laugh about it and carry on.

Have a nice week,

José

[KrystalB333]

Hello Archer,

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Your story seems like a terrifying nightmare, and I'm glad that it is in your past instead of the present. I don't know how much you are into reading, but I'd like to suggest two different books that you may find helpful. The first one is "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron and the other one is "Coaching the Artist Within" by Eric Maisel. I am hoping that this particular person is not Eric Maisel, or else I would feel absolutely horrible.

You may have read these books already, but I have found them extremely helpful in many ways and thought they may be great for helping you.

Sincerely,
Krystal Booth

[d-archer]

Hi Krystal,
Thanks for your suggestion. I will look into those books! And no, the person I am talking about is not Eric Maisel.

I am open to any and all suggestion that can help me get the terrible things this "mentor" guy told me out of my head. Even though I know I can paint, I can still hear him saying in my head, "You'll never learn to paint right. It will be a LONG time before you will get to be successful", etc. What a jerk.

[DaveMak]

The guy is a jerk. Unfortunately there are snakes out there.

Realize that he is the one with a problem, not you. Shame on him.

I do believe in karma.

The pain this person caused you can be cleansed through your art.

Learn to trust again but with a bit more caution. A life where you cannot trust is not as rich as a life of trust.

[mame]

A little arm chair psychology - I suspect the egotistical book writer has a head shot somewhere. You may find it online on a book jacket.
-Copy and print it and tack to a wall in a closet (you don't want to look at him every day)
-Every painting you do, tear a piece of his head off, light a match to it and put it in your toilet.
-Keep doing this - painting finished, piece of his head in the toilet until his head is gone = you have let him and the bad memories go AND you'll have several new probably very interesting paintings in the deal

[blondheim12]

I think you have had the last laugh if you are selling everything you paint. I've managed to survive as a full time artist for a long time but I don't sell that fast.
Love,
Linda

[d-archer]

Mame,
Your idea is brilliant. What a fantastic idea. I will try it.

[d-archer]

DaveMak, you make a great point about trust. My experience caused me to completely lose faith in other artists (and myself) for a long time. I'm finally feeling "safe" enough to trust more again, but much more carefully. You're right. I have to remember that he is the one with the problem.

[Zenhorse]

Sorry to hear about your experience. I think that only time will heal your wounds. Your trust has been betrayed in a really nasty way. Coming online and venting about this guy and what he did to you with sympathetic people here on wetcanvas will probably help to.

Just out of curiosity, the guy's initials don't happen to be JW do they?

[artyczar]

Wow. I feel like crying reading your story. That person gives all human beings a bad name because I believe most of us are good people that CAN be trusted. Now he has wounded you to distrust us all. And that is a shame...

But at least you are still creating your wonderful art. Thank God for that. You are still trusting in yourself and that's the best possible scenario. This guy did not ruin you. In fact, he made the artist within you stronger most likely - because you are someone who has to find your inner strength, self-taught hand, and belief in yourself, you are overcoming a lot more than someone who was formally trained. And if someone who was formally trained takes offense to what i just said, so be it - you have been a victim of that person and you were totally discouraged yet you are still creating art despite it all. THAT is being a TRUE artist -- so don't let anyone or this guy's stupid-ass voice in your head tell you otherwise.

It makes me so mad because I personally love to help artists. I want to mentor artists and help them and it's guys like that who are ruining it for people like me that would like to be trusted. I would NEVER do what he did. I don't want money. I am not writing any books about how to get ahead, and I certainly would not disclose private conversations about an artist's personal issues. These things are sacred. Art is a sacred practice! You should sue that guy! I hope you have.

If I was your mentor I would encourage you to open yourself to good people, put in healthy boundaries to keep your heart safe, and sue the hell out of that guy.

Remember how strong you are and give yourself permission to take the credit you deserve for standing up to him, persevering, and making wonderful work.

[d-archer]

Zenhorse, in regards to your question about initials, I'll just say... maybe, and you can draw your own conclusions from that. The thing is, I don't want to drag this person's name through the mud publicly like he did with me. I don't want to put myself down to his level. So I'm not actually going to say his name here. I'm just trying to work through the psychological damage that his behavior caused in my career. I know I'm not the only one. I personally know of at least two other artists whom he betrayed in a similar fashion and I would not be surprised if there are many more. As for suing him, I did not, but my lawyer did end up threatening him with a lawsuit if he continued this behavior and/or initiated further contact with me and he backed down pretty quick.

Artyczar, thank you for your very compassionate posting. I am by nature a sensitive person (my friends often say I'm TOO sensitive), so this whole issue may have affected me more than most people. My closest friend says to me, "Why don't you just let this issue die and forget it even happened!" And I reply, "Well, that's a good question!" Still working through it. I have kept right on creating art, though I am not as productive now as I was before this incident. Working on that.

[d-archer]

Just wanted to thank everyone again who posted. You gave me some great suggestions that I plan to look into.