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akmal
04-05-2000, 12:53 AM
hello
here is a sketch done on paper(10" * 15") with ink.
i cannot get it but i just am not satisfied. this picture just doesn't have "IT". i cannot explain what this IT is. i also am not able to work out where i have missed but i do hope u would be able to help me.
pls be cruel in truth.
ak

http://www.wetcanvas.com/Critiques/User/akgic1.jpg

henrik
04-05-2000, 06:08 AM
akmal, on the quest for "IT" - since we don't know what "IT" is supposed to be you have to be content with what we can see...

I think you have a very good drawing here, there are two thingsthat bother me a bit.

- The thing she has in her lap... what is it? what is she doing? That area is very cluttered and undefined.

- the stuff on the table (again what is it?) first I thought it was a rose on the table completely flattened by some heavy object.

(I think she is doing needlepoint work or somesuch - is that correct?)

cagathoc
04-05-2000, 01:21 PM
Originally posted by henrik:
- The thing she has in her lap... what is it? what is she doing? That area is very cluttered and undefined.


I think if you made the hands larger (usually the hand is as long as the face) and clearer it would work better in that area. Of course with pen and ink... hard to rework.

As to whether it has IT or not... For me, it has IT. I really enjoyed this drawing.




------------------
Cindy Agathocleous

"What if imagination and art are not, as many of us might think, the frosting on life, but the fountainhead of human experience?" - Rollo May from The Courage to Create

arlene
04-06-2000, 12:29 AM
I think if you vary the thickness of your pen line, you'll have what you're after. If you define some of the more important areas with a slightly thicker line, it'll give it the umph.
All in all, a beautiful job. Reminds me of the old Vogue illustrations.

sandyartist
04-06-2000, 11:03 AM
Akmal..the drawing is good..I did not have a problem with the shawl/fabric that came round her shoulder into her lap..her hands have the expression (do they have the tatoos used in the mid-east..or do they have lace gloves..remember I'm an easterner!)I think you are looking for..the face is beautiful, but the heavy darks are not to be found elsewhere in the drawing..perhaps find another area of emphasis, as well as the face and then develop it. It does remind me of Erte` and some of his Vogue illustrations..hey, that's not bad!! As for whether the drawing has "IT" or not..you are the final judge of that..I just enjoyed it.

dhenton
04-06-2000, 08:54 PM
The linework is just superb. It reminds me of Aubrey Beardsley. The hand might need to be a bit bigger, but hey.


What I would mention as a suggestion is the composition and the arrangement of the elements. There's the drapery, the chair, her gaze. The blank space to the right seems unbalanced. That's all I can think of, but composition isn't my strong point. I think it should say more about the arrangement of the objects, but as to what that arrangement should be...?

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"Art is anything you can get away with." -- Marshall McLuhan

Kimber74
04-06-2000, 09:33 PM
Beautifully rendered. I especially enjoyed the detail on the chair and elsewhere.

Personally, I'd like to see more dark areas, I think that would really make it pop!

akmal
04-12-2000, 12:36 AM
http://www.wetcanvas.com/Critiques/User/gic.jpg

thanx

now here i've enlarged her hands(alas; she is not doing anything)

i think i've got myself wrong at two places
a. her hands
b. her shawl(where it ends)

i loved (rather cursed myself) the idea of having a rose on the table(i fear its not a rose but wrongly done jewelry)

i do have used two pens but ofcourse that was not enough.

i also would've applied more darker areas but still cannot percieve appropriate application(i am a novicee yaar)
same goes for composition...

sandy, her hands are actualy colored with mehndi or hina. it is a mixture of i don't know what that girls here on our side put on their hands and when is washed after a day the colors remain(reddish orange) for a week or so. there are some very beautiful designs that eyes get a feast on occasions like weddings and festivals. the smell and color of hina is specificaly associated with newly wed brides(oops). it is a well bred art in itself, a pleasant watch and a great sniff too.

ak

pixelscapes
04-12-2000, 11:47 AM
I agree that the drawing needs more darks elsewhere for some balance... otherwise the overall impression becomes sort of like "her hair, and some other stuff". I also agree though that the feel of the line, your style, it is really intriguingly good and feels nice and unique.

Maybe it's that that one dark area is such a strong focal point, it's a little jarring?

And on a less relevant note: Right, that's mehndi on her hands. (Mehndi is the name of the technique, mehndi paste is the name of the stuff used to do it.) In case you were wondering, it's basically ground up leaves from the red henna plant. (Yes, the same stuff you can use to dye your hair). You sift the powder and mix it with water or lemon juice and it turns into a paste, and then you can basically draw beautiful designs on your skin using this paste. It's almost like frosting a cake! The paste dyes your skin and when it's dry, you scrape it off... it leaves a beautiful dark rust-colored temporary mark on your skin, that can last for weeks and turns orange before fading.

I would know since I did some on my hands a couple weekends ago as a birthday present to myself. http://www.wetcanvas.com/ubb/wink.gif If you want to see, e-mail me and I'll send you the link.

But anyway, enough trivia. I like your drawing style, and I hope to see its progress!

-=- Jen / Pixelscapes

paintfool
04-13-2000, 10:44 PM
Akmal, wow, you certainly must have a great deal of patience to be able to handle all of that detail so wonderfuly! She's beautiful. I think some more dark areas would probably be one thing i'd work on, perhaps some shadows. Where is your light source comming from? The only other thing would be to put something above the table like maybe something hanging on the wall or another window. I'm only telling you because you asked. If you had simply asked if i liked this piece i would have to say Yes!! Very much! You have a great eye for detail & the subject matter itself is so nice!...Keep drawing. I'd like to see more....Cheryl

akmal
04-17-2000, 02:01 AM
thanx

i infact had a strong urge to draw an old style cooko clock over the table on the wall but yet am not certain.

light source!!!? ( o my lord ) i dont know and i mean it. i, while drawing, certainly dont define these things for myself. i just let my pen go loose.

dark and shadows!!!?
how???

ak

bruin70
04-17-2000, 03:55 AM
akmal...you have a lot of options and there is no one answer here. i'd start with a more dynamic composition. there are endless possibilities for creating flow and rhythm,,,,with the gown AND by fact that this is done all in line. make the lines work for you.
more black is another option. and can be accomplished in a few ways. one is to simply fill in more black. cluster them in a nicely composed area. if you want to get spotty with their placements, try at least to confine them in a large area of the canvas.
i'm not so concerned about the correctness of your drawing. you have a style...maybe getting too correct might be detremental to it. before going any further, think of your composition in three values. the white(blank) area,,,the black, and the grey(as created by your intricate line work)......or even simplify the whole thing to two values,,,,your choice......milt