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Urbanpoet
03-29-2000, 10:33 PM
Hi all

This one is done in acrylics on a primed paper. Done some time back (to be as a book cover). Kind of a fantasy picture (not tried to be realistic) based on one of my poem’s line
“Life travels on the horse, death follows on the eagle”

What you all think?

Thanks for your time and comments

-Urbanpoet


http://www.wetcanvas.com/Critiques/User/uplife2.jpg



[This message has been edited by Urbanpoet (edited April 03, 2000).]

GKyle
03-30-2000, 09:00 AM
you are a good poet.

bruin70
03-30-2000, 10:17 AM
it took me a sec to realize that what i thought was a picket fence was actually trees. therefore i would make the trees less REGULAR. give them a more organic, asymetric shape. don't space the tree trunks so evenly. the bottom of the trees create these points,,,,like fences. so change that look as well.....milt

cagathoc
03-30-2000, 10:35 AM
i think if you could see more of the bottom of the horse, you could position the woman a little better. it's hard to tell whether she is riding on the horse or falling off the side.

the symbolism is nice and your work has a nice gaugin feel to it.

------------------
Cindy Agathocleous

"What if imagination and art are not, as many of us might think, the frosting on life, but the fountainhead of human experience?" - Rollo May from The Courage to Create

kayemme
04-01-2000, 04:29 PM
have you ever tried mosaics?

i love the way you put images together, and your use of color. i think what this might need is a stronger composition by clearly defining each image, even if abstracting them they should be defined a bit more.

if you were to do it again, i'd suggest moving the horse to the right a little, and giving the horse more back where the woman's butt is. less grass would be nice so that we could tell whether or not the horse is laying down or standing or running.

good luck to you!

------------------
km (http://www.artistnation.com/members/lofts/kmarion/)

kayemme
04-01-2000, 04:30 PM
oh, where is the eagle?

------------------
km (http://www.artistnation.com/members/lofts/kmarion/)

cagathoc
04-01-2000, 04:32 PM
upper right hand corner ....

kemshmi
04-02-2000, 03:55 AM
Namaste UrbanPoet http://www.wetcanvas.com/ubb/smile.gif

I liked the softness of your hedge/bushes, but they didn't seem to work too well with hiding the horse..confusing the viewer
so I did a quick edit to show you how the horse and rider move to the foreground by removing that..
I also lowered the horses hind quarters/rump a bit and pulled your dry grassy color right up to the edge of the eagle
I hope you can see the value of these ideas..
Kemshmi
http://www.wetcanvas.com/Critiques/User/urbanpoet.JPG

* also note that the woman seems small to the size of the horse..

keep painting!!...

[This message has been edited by kemshmi (edited April 02, 2000).]

kemshmi
04-02-2000, 04:13 AM
another way to handle it might be like this http://www.wetcanvas.com/ubb/cool.gif
Kemshmi
http://www.wetcanvas.com/Critiques/User/poet.JPG

kayemme
04-02-2000, 03:38 PM
Originally posted by cagathoc:
upper right hand corner ....

how funny.. i thought that was sky! now i can see it http://www.wetcanvas.com/ubb/smile.gif



------------------
km (http://www.artistnation.com/members/lofts/kmarion/)

grannyb
04-02-2000, 09:39 PM
Great work Urbanpoet..I too can see Gaugin in your work ...to my mind it doesn't really say 'fantasy' though ...perhaps a little more "unrealism' is needed ?(have I coined a new art term here! LOL)

Urbanpoet
04-03-2000, 04:23 AM
Namaste Kemshmi:

Thanks for your editing. I like the first version. I will take out the bushes and as bruin said I will make the tress less regular. I think that will make the painting more focused and neat.

Thanks to everyone for your comments


-Urbanpoet

cagathoc
04-03-2000, 10:05 AM
Namaste?

tell...

janet
04-03-2000, 10:07 PM
Namaste urbanpoet
I agree with bruin when i first saw the
picture i thought i was looking at a piket
fence behind the lady and the horse.

Urbanpoet
04-03-2000, 11:18 PM
Namaste?

Greetings

In Sanskrit "Namas" means, "bow, obeisance, reverential salutation." It comes from the root Nam, which carries meanings of bending, bowing, humbly submitting and becoming silent. "Te"
means "to you." Thus "namaste" means "I bow to you." the act of greeting is called "Namaskaram," "Namaskara" and "Namaskar" in the varied languages of the subcontinent(Copyright 1993 by Himalayan Academy)

A detailed article can be found at: http://www.flex.com/~jai/articles/namaste1.html

-Urbanpoet

henrik
04-04-2000, 09:36 AM
Namaste Urban!
Here is another suggestion for you. I have played around with the lightsource as you can see. (Now, the arm of the woman is of correct proportion - with your rendition she could probably have tickled the sole of her feet while standing straight http://www.wetcanvas.com/ubb/biggrin.gif)

http://www.wetcanvas.com/Critiques/User/urbanpoet-hl1.jpg

arlene
04-04-2000, 01:08 PM
http://www.wetcanvas.com/Critiques/User/uplife12.jpg
Here are some possible changes, some already mentioned and some of my own thoughts.
I think the leg and the arm are too short and need to be lengthened. I did it in my style, but I think you should do it in your own style, which has a very nice naive quality to it.
Also, I accidently cut the eagle's head off when doing the corrections. Being this is a lousy program and I don't know how to use it very well, I figure u would know to leave the bird as he was.
Also, these are the only colors I have to work with, so don't go by my colors.
I also changed her backside a bit, so she looks like she's actually on the horse, but if you use your style, it may not be necessary.
I also lightened and took out some of the trees, and tried to make them so they frame the horse and rider better.
The only other change is making the hair look like it's blowing in the wind. If she is riding, the hair would be streaming back.

[This message has been edited by arlene (edited April 04, 2000).]

CarlyHardy
04-04-2000, 01:23 PM
I was just wondering how anyone critiqued before the computer and software for changing images!

Nice painting Urbanpoet...and good information all around.
carly

arlene
04-04-2000, 01:50 PM
Carly,
I used lots of words to say what I was trying to show. and I never explained myself very well. My mother's the writer. I'm visual. And thank cod for this new fangled machine they call a computer.

cagathoc
04-04-2000, 02:58 PM
Originally posted by arlene:
And thank cod for this new fangled machine they call a computer.


Who's cod? The god of computers?


grin


Cindy

henrik
04-04-2000, 06:12 PM
cod ?? I though it was Babbage that we are supposed to thank http://www.wetcanvas.com/ubb/smile.gif

Arlene... good points. (Get a decent image editing program - Paint Shop Pro is only 100$ - see http://www.jasc.com)

Urbanpoet
04-05-2000, 12:32 AM
Namaste St. Henrik and arlene

Thanks for your editing.
Henrik: You said “with your rendition she could probably have tickled the sole of her feet while standing straight “
Arlene you said: I think the leg and the arm are too short and need to be lengthened

You know she is representing life here and life is not perfect. : -)

Thanks for your inputs. I got the point. Can’t ask for more. As usual everyone is kind and wonderful. I will print this message first, (before Scott deletes it saying too many images in one message) and rework on the painting

-Urbanpoet

henrik
04-05-2000, 07:16 AM
Namste Urban,
I think arlene's comment referred to my version of the arm http://www.wetcanvas.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

arlene
04-06-2000, 12:22 AM
Namste Urban,
Because of your style, I was a bit afraid to play with the piece. Sometimes what we think are "improvements" only serve to muddy a certain look. As I said in my earlier post, your work has a nice, naive-like quality. Like some of the other naive artists.