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yarddog
08-23-2009, 12:09 AM
MY IMAGE(S):
http://www.wetcanvas.com/Critiques/upload_spool/08-22-2009/182771_swampthing-IMG_1642-c-paint.jpg



GENERAL INFORMATION:
Title: swamp thing
Year Created:
Medium: Acrylic
Surface: Board
Dimension: 8x10
Allow digital alterations?: Yes!

MY COMMENTS:
this has been sitting on the gawking shelf for weeks..........http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/22-Aug-2009/182771-swamp1.gif
can't decide what to do to make myself like it more.....

yep...it sure is dead center ain't it.....I was hoping for you to see it first....get it over with....
.......then be settled down to notice the leaves......
be nudged back by the bud......gently......the way the leaves nudge each other as they float....
.....slowly.........quietly......getting you all relaxed..........while you slowly sink in the mud.............. .
...............and slip quietly beneath the swampy waters all together...............http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/22-Aug-2009/182771-swamp2.gif
where no doubt Marie Lavoehttp://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/22-Aug-2009/182771-swamp3.gif will be waiting for you.....hahahaha.......yd


MY QUESTIONS FOR THE GROUP:
so....why don't I like it....?....could it be guilt....?

future
08-23-2009, 01:54 AM
i say adding some fireflies will show the contrast between lights and darks, add more interest, it is very dim @ now

hope that helps

Dana Design
08-23-2009, 02:51 AM
Well, your comments are hilarious and as to the painting, it's a bit unbalanced as in everything seems to be sliding to the left. Perhaps adding another flower to the upper right of the middle flower might help balance it. And lightening the water just a wee bit at the top of the painting would 'brighten' it up.

Actually, there's tons of possibilities here. What you have is fine but it just needs a little bit more.

Marie Laveau...thanks for that. Now I'll have nightmares for a week!

La_
08-23-2009, 04:44 AM
just a wee little more focused area twinkle in the water would do it for me ... upper right of the middle flower is where it should be most bright, filtering then outwards, around and about as you have - si? = )

or perhaps i was just expecting photo realism and this is foggy in comparison, beauty but in a diff way :heart:

la :)

greensyster
08-23-2009, 04:59 AM
It appears to me that there is an issue of the density of the water to the density of the lily pads. The similarity in your painting loses the natural definition between water and organic substance. Yes Yes I am often wrong :)

laudesan
08-23-2009, 05:21 AM
It appears to me that there is an issue of the density of the water to the density of the lily pads. The similarity in your painting loses the natural definition between water and organic substance. I agree. It looks like the leaves are sitting on a rather solid base. The painting looks like it is in the halfway painted stage, to me, actually, it really looks like a crop of a larger piece, is it?

mooz49
08-23-2009, 06:38 AM
....dammit Yd ....I was just waiting for the desert island when I slid into the swamp! ....yes it's the guilt that's keeping you from liking it I am sure ....http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/23-Aug-2009/27632-evil.gif ....you deliberately put the flower in the middle because you felt like being naughty ....but you are such a cute little puppy that we forgive you http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/23-Aug-2009/27632-dog-077.gif
......there is a gentleness and sadness about it I think ....hey you could make remorse cards (is there such a thing?) from prints of it ...... how about this crop?.... do you like my purple words? ....I made them just for you ....
http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/23-Aug-2009/27632-swampthing.jpg

tgsloth
08-23-2009, 08:39 AM
Excellent title and wonderful execution of the painting. You've reaped a great series of thoughtful critiques. Here are my ideas:

I don't mind the centering of the bright plant. What makes the composition compelling is the diagonal sweep from the lower left to upper right through the plant. The dim moon reflection on the pond water upper right is just a masterful idea. I feel that to get an improvement you could enhance your few highlights a bit and then I feel like that palette's a bit too black. Working in some blue tones could be a good thing.

artisan
08-23-2009, 09:54 AM
As Dana says, I would introduce more light to the water top right to justify the light hitting the flowers. Also the third flower suggestion would help balance the whole painting. Very moody painting.:)

Corby
08-23-2009, 10:45 AM
Thank you Yarddog and all commentators! this has been a wonderful read over my early mornings first cup of coffee. Lots of nice ideas! And Moozie, I loOVE your idea of 'remorse cards' ! :eek: ! Given the state of the world today it should serve as a huge market!

My take on the needs to energize the swamp thing is simply that it needs to have

1.more intense saturation of color
2.more compositional interest
3.more attention to textural quality

this last thing has to do with noting for example where a lily pad has curled up on its edges and then the edge plunges down to waterline again, even going under water...these places of contact are the perfect spots to add some 'bubble sparkle' ( it is sure to show up for sale in a tube sooner or later, like 'flesh' we could use it for everything but...)

http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/23-Aug-2009/70790-182771_swampthing-IMG_1642-c-paint.jpg

allanom
08-23-2009, 10:50 AM
I'm really happy to see a lily pad scene in a dark context! So different than all the full daylight versions that pop up here so often (and I'm responsible, personally, for a couple). I have NO problem with the main flower being so centralized (something I do often) because the asymmetry of the rest of the design makes the composition work nicely and makes the bloom a proper "star" in the composition. However, I'm providing an alt with the following suggestions: remove/reduce the leaf directly above the main flower so it stands prouder; shorten the leaf behind the main flower so it is staggered slightly and not in the same position as the one below it; enhance the moonlight on the water going up to the right; and add more leaves -- even just suggestions of -- going up and left - all to add a but more interest to your composition.

Cheers!

Allan

http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/23-Aug-2009/4031-swampthing-IMG_1642-c-paint.jpg

yarddog
08-23-2009, 03:56 PM
what a wonderful thread this is.....I knew if I put it to the "Think Tank" you'd fill me with ideas....
I find so many varied suggestions...perhaps my ambiguity is not so worrisome...I'm pretty normal after all.....
but it would appear that all of your observations have had some recurring thoughts.....

future...fireflies...how clever.....http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/23-Aug-2009/182771-sw5.gif
you have "sparked" my imagination and reminded me of a painting I imagined long ago but never executed....
thanks for that...perhaps I'll have to paint it...before I forget again...hahaha

Dana Design....I agree...it's all sliding into the mud..hahaha.....
as for....Marie Laveau...thanks for that. Now I'll have nightmares for a week!.......
........................like tg's monsters don't keep you up...?
La_ .....too dark for photorealism...twinkles.....I like twinkles.....http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/23-Aug-2009/182771-sw2.gif
.............................probly why I like fireflies.......

greensyster.....actually....that lack of definition is sorta what I was looking for.....

laudesan.....nope...no bigger....The painting looks like it is in the halfway painted stage.....
.................it is.....you all are helping me finish it.......

mooz.....you are just too much fun.....remorse cards...hahaha
I really like your crop....I remember Bill typing once about going out to the shop and sawing it down...hahaha
too bad it ain't watercolor paper.......yours would be an easy fix....hahaha

tgsloth.....gee...I'm glad you liked the comp....I did indeed have just that in mind....more blue.....ok

artisan.....moody.....glad you think so....I purposely toned out most of my highlights trying to get that.....
............................................guess I got a little too moody.....http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/23-Aug-2009/182771-sw1.gif

Corby.....ah yes....you have shown everybody's suggestions....all rolled into one great package.....
more flowers...twinkles....and more light on the water.....thanks for taking the time to do it....
....................................hope your coffee didn't get cold....http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/23-Aug-2009/182771-sw3.gif

allanom.....thanks for forgiving me the centered flower...hahaha.....
excellent suggestions about the leaves......so much more better.....I will not miss that one one bit.....
and the suggestion of more leaves trailing back there is even better than just moonlight.....
.................................glad you liked the moodymoonlit version......


I'm so glad that I decided to post this .... you guys are so helpful....thanks again.....http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/23-Aug-2009/182771-sw6.gif
and you just may have saved this little canvas that was stuck in the mud...........................yd

cbcarnell
08-23-2009, 11:23 PM
Having just spent many hours kayaking through an area that had a LOT of waterlilies (and trying tpo keep away from those tangly water lilies...), I have to say that I really like your subdued, nocturnal version of this. You've already gotten such good advice - I especially like Alan's. This painting has a wonderful mysterious feel to it. Now I am going to look up Marie Laveau - think I will be glad I didn't know about her before I made my watery journeys!

yarddog
08-24-2009, 12:44 AM
too funny Claire.....so...did you see any gaters?...
.........or did you not know about them either...hahaha...yd

Dana Design
08-24-2009, 12:13 PM
Claire, don't dangle your feet off the bed at night. jes' saying.

crazywoman53
08-24-2009, 04:43 PM
This thread is better than watching TV. It's got all the intertainment and education one could ask for. Humor, mystery, history, intellect and a beautiful painting that is coming to life. I can't add more than what has already been said but I am looking forward to see what you decide to do with this and hope you repost it for all of us to see.

sros007
02-26-2010, 05:13 AM
http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/26-Feb-2010/174630-182771_swampthing-IMG_1642-c-paint.jpg

Hi i agree with mooz49 the painting itself is absolutely finished just needs to be cropped a bit... here's my version, bit off the top because i thought there was dead space on top left, and come in on the right but not quite as far as mooz49...
i dont think any colours or highlights need to be altered i think its just a composition issue.

sros007
02-26-2010, 05:17 AM
http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/26-Feb-2010/174630-182771_swampthing-IMG_1642-c-paint.jpg
ok sorry sorry!! One more thing i removed one lily pad from the left and suggest adding your signature in white to the bottom right corner to help with the balance...

cathaden
05-03-2010, 12:36 PM
Actually, yd...I like your original version the best. I can feel it!

paintspots
05-06-2010, 12:31 AM
I like it. It's a relief to see lillies not in an impressionist style. As much as I love Monet. I agree some contrast to add sparkle.

greensyster
05-07-2010, 08:39 PM
Much as I love Monet's works, I found his endless massive waterlily series dull as dishwater. That could NEVER be said fo the Swamp Thing - it is brilliant.

Margaretta
05-09-2010, 07:05 PM
Love this: a London park pond in the fog! Eerie. Would like to see a suggestion of another small group in the distance right as the 'biggie' sort of ends the idea abruptly above the centre. It is beautifully painted and very atmospheric.:)