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D.W. Flint
10-16-2007, 08:54 PM
MY IMAGE(S):
http://www.wetcanvas.com/Critiques/upload_spool/10-16-2007/108422_jal2.JPG


GENERAL INFORMATION:
Title: I'd Rather Fish
Year Created: 2007
Medium: Oil
Surface: Fibre
Dimension: 11X14
Allow digital alterations?: Yes!

MY COMMENTS:
Another Jalama Beach painting. I'm not satisfied with the surfer, but not sure what to do.

MY QUESTIONS FOR THE GROUP:
Any/all comments,suggestions more than welcome. That's the main reason I post these things.

toraman
10-16-2007, 09:03 PM
Brilliant overall.
There are some details that distract me. First surfer seems distorted as you noted. Arm seems a bit short and upper body a bit long.
And the weather is cloudy but too much light falls upon the fisher man, but no light on surfer, and that seems odd. If light falls to both of them than we could conclude that the unseen portion of the sky is sunny and assume the dark far region as the shadow of the clouds.
These are just minor things for me and the overall painting is quite beautiful

Bevahlee
10-16-2007, 09:05 PM
coupla things. The surfer is too dark and hard-edged to be that far away. It causes the eye to jump from him to the rocks to the foreground figure. the rocks in the distance are too dark too and should have some of the red sand color reflected back on them. Also the shadows should just be darker duller red, since the sand is red and that's just a darker value of the sand. I like the feel of it. Don't understand the boy in the rocks?

http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/16-Oct-2007/54805-surfer.jpg

actually the rock close to the surfer is too dark too.

Slurps
10-16-2007, 09:17 PM
Surfer: right shoulder is way off; wet suit looks like jogging outfit, rather than tightfitting neoprene; surfer looks pigeontoed; I realize he might be wearing booties, but it might read better if you showed him barefoot.

Rocks: not looking like rocks. Look too soft and crumpled.

Sand: no texture, no footprints, no dark sand where the water has receded.

Fishing rod is authentic looking but why is the title "I'd Rather Fish" if the guy's not really fishing? No one sits between their pole and the water; you won't know when you have a fish.

Surfers and shoreline fishermen don't mix very well. Plenty of chances for confrontation and tension when there are lines in the water. Perhaps the surfer and fisherman could be making eye contact here? Just wondering.

Sky and water are beautifully done. Atmospherics are excellent.

Little things should all be easy to fix if you agree with them. Even easier if you don't!

Corby
10-16-2007, 10:18 PM
While I was playing with "The Gimp" everyone else was busy too! Good points made by all and to some degree my thoughts as well. Except my major concern was all of t6he interest is in that lower right hand corner, so it seems to me it could be better composed. I feel as has been said that there should be at least a touch of highlight, much diminished and subtle, on the surfer so as to tie them in with the fisherman. Then perhaps a darkening of the sand in both chroma and value in the foreground to increase the depth of view. The sun reflections in the surf might be made a bit more of as they are quite beautiful.

http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/16-Oct-2007/70790-fish.JPG

D.W. Flint
10-16-2007, 11:46 PM
Dern, you all have given me a lot to do and think about. All good insights that didn't dawn on me. I think this one will warrant starting over with a new composition and your suggestions.
Thanks...

TScottDove
10-17-2007, 01:01 AM
I would lose the surfer altogether. The scene is lovely, and I like the solitude the fisherman would then have. As it is, the two subjects compete with each other for attention. If you leave the surfer in, would he not have the same highlights on him the fisherman does?

D.W. Flint
10-17-2007, 05:48 PM
Thanks Scott. I think I'll heed your advice & do away with surfer boy. Thanks...I would lose the surfer altogether. The scene is lovely, and I like the solitude the fisherman would then have. As it is, the two subjects compete with each other for attention. If you leave the surfer in, would he not have the same highlights on him the fisherman does?

lunchbox
10-17-2007, 07:39 PM
I agree, the fisherman should be alone in his thoughts, his solitude would then complement the beautiful atmosphere you have created.