PDA

View Full Version : Critique Call


billmahler
08-19-2007, 02:01 AM
http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/19-Aug-2007/111636-roseandpeony2.jpg

Hi Folks

That's a Peony bud on the surface, a deep red cup and saucer, some pink roses, a white peony (its back to us) in a milky vase with some green decoration.

The surface is my daughter's blue/grey bathrobe on some planks, but let's be polite and call it a tablecloth on a table.

My plan is paint this on 16" high and 20" wide.

Does this composition work?

If not, do you have and suggestions?

When I look at the set up, I like it, but when I look at the sketch, I'm not sure.

There are a couple of drawing errors in the saucer, please excuse them- I was doing this as a trial run to avoid wasting a canvas and several days.



Clueless in New Jersey

hidy
08-19-2007, 02:50 AM
Hi, although i never feel like i know a lot about composition, to me this needs a little adjustment compositionally. If you draw a diagonal line from bottom left to top right, almost everything falls both on & below that line & it is a little too distracting. Diagonals are great & although this works ok, i think this is just a little unbalanced myself. If it were me, I would try to soften that 'line' by pushing & shoving it around a little more to break it up. It is a very sweet sketch though, so good luck

gaykir
08-19-2007, 06:26 AM
With your plan for 16 X 20 and this sketch showing as a square, it's difficult to tell you if it works or not. Where will you put the extra negative space you'll have? I'd like to see it all go to the left myself.

Lady Carol
08-19-2007, 08:32 AM
Hidy has a good call on this and that is what I thought right off. Everything leans and is heavy on the right. I think a couple of flowers above the tea cup in that vacant area would balance this out better.

billmahler
08-19-2007, 09:17 AM
Hidy, Gayle, Carol

Good critiques.

Thanks for lending me your eyes!

Back to the sketch book!

Charlie's Mum
08-19-2007, 10:18 AM
I'm late, but my comments would have been the same Bill! :lol:

I think you need to put this in the proportion you'll be using later and then consider ways of taking the eye back round to the left.
We're led into the comp easily, but wheere do we go from top of the flower right?
The 4x5 proportion will make a difference about how you tackle it!
try some thumbnail sketches just balancing tones and see if you can resove it - without wasting too much effort drawing beautifully :D

I'll be interested to see what you come up with ... and BTW, errors in drawing don't matter here in the planning stages! :lol:

ranunkel
08-19-2007, 05:57 PM
What a delightful sketch!
You got some good advise and
I hope you will post your next step :)

RTi
08-20-2007, 12:08 AM
Hello I don't usually visit here but I have a suggestion trade places with the cup saucer and the vase. Keep the flowers in the same direction they are now. This really will be nice I like your flowers.

billmahler
08-20-2007, 10:13 AM
Maureen, Marianne and Ral

Thank you for your advice and encouragement.

Ral- that's exactly what I did!

debsn2paintn
08-20-2007, 10:58 PM
Your trial run is beautiful, I hope you will show your work when it's completed :)

billmahler
08-21-2007, 10:02 AM
Deb

Thank you for your encouragement.

I'm working on it now

Charlie's Mum
08-21-2007, 12:48 PM
I'm looking forward to the paint part Bill - if it's anything like the magnolias ..... well, my mouth's watering! :D

Laura D
08-21-2007, 09:43 PM
Lovely still life waiting to happen. I think it would be wonderful if you weighted the left with a partial window... get a really strong directional light on the still life. Definately add another blosson on the left side of the arrangement, right now the flowers are headed right out of the painting.

I'd like to request you post your work before it's finished! This would be a great WIP.

kasiagirl
08-22-2007, 10:53 AM
Hi, everyone. I am new to WC but love it! I agree with the others... it is a lovely drawing and will work beautifully once the left has interest added for balance. Please post the painting when you finish or as a WIP.
Jeanne

billmahler
08-22-2007, 01:50 PM
Maureen, Laura, and Jean


The painting is underway.

My work space here doesn't lend itself to WIP pictures once I start a painting.

Laura D
08-22-2007, 06:43 PM
Good to hear you've started it. Sorry to hear about the pictures. Waiting for the finish.

billmahler
08-26-2007, 08:07 PM
http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/26-Aug-2007/111636-vaseandbud2.jpg Well, you think you have a plan...

I had to rename this one..

Where have all the flowers gone?

I couldn't get a composition to work with that vase, but I love the vase and the bud, so now I have it out of my system!

Lady Carol
08-26-2007, 08:29 PM
I love this too. So simple and yet it packs a powerful message. The title says it all.

C_Line
08-26-2007, 11:05 PM
Beautiful, soft colors and imagery.

billmahler
08-27-2007, 06:48 AM
Carol and Celeste
Thank you for your encouraging appreciation.
I posted this on the Open Critique forum and I have to pass along these lovely lines posted by Bushma'am:

Sometimes less is more.
Is there a tale in store?
Wilted flora, out of sight?
Gardener's oversight?
Pretty vase to adore.

Charlie's Mum
08-27-2007, 12:50 PM
Bill, the pleasure for me is just looking at the paint/colour and application!
I'm definitely a fan!

That little rosebd left all alone - heart-breaking! :crying: ........ :lol:

ranunkel
08-27-2007, 01:47 PM
Lovely soft colors!
A man without a wife is like a vase without flowers. ~African Proverb

billmahler
08-27-2007, 08:18 PM
Thank you for your encouragement, Maureen

Great quote, Marianne!