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sekulastudio
10-26-2006, 09:12 AM
Please understand that I am not a photographer but I hope this will come through well enough that you will be able to steer me in the right direction. This painting feels so wrong and yet I cannot put my finger on the problem(s). Please critique and don't worry about hurting my feelings. Thank you, Gaye
http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/26-Oct-2006/78911-critique.JPG

Tiasa
10-26-2006, 09:55 AM
Overall this is a good painting. It might be a little too equally divided between the trees and the buildings. You could take a little off the left side to put the focus on the door and building or a little off the right side to put the focus on the trees. I like the brushwork and color variety.

sekulastudio
10-26-2006, 10:05 AM
I think you are right about it being too equally divided. Now I will need to study just exactly what to take off of the left side. I was thinking it might help to add some lighter swaths between the leaves of the trees to kind of even out the overall light. Thanks so much for your suggestions.

dreamz
10-26-2006, 10:47 AM
I was going to suggest some more greens, perhaps getting some light into the palms but overall I really like the islands kind of feel

Jon
10-26-2006, 10:48 AM
It has a nice breezy feel to it!
I agree with tiasa that a stronger focal point would be helpful. Perhaps some more color or definition in the door?
I like the loose feel of those palm leaves in the upper left!
Let us see your changes once you dedide.

gurleygirl
10-26-2006, 11:37 AM
I like the movement of the tree!!
Tracey

Grob
10-26-2006, 12:35 PM
It feels wrong because it is two paintings and divided right up the middle. You might be able to integrate it by, for instance, having the trees cast shadows on the building. You might need to rework the composition keeping the rule of thirds in mind.

Jackie339
10-26-2006, 03:29 PM
I like it! It feels like hurricane force winds, and gives a real force to the painting. But I feel it's too heavy on the left side. Not quite sure how you could fix it. I think a great way for us to help you or anyone else is to post the drawing 1st, that way we could eliminate composition problem from the start.

WRoget
10-26-2006, 03:41 PM
I'm not so sure the problem is compositional, though, yeah, a bit more wall showing through the palms would help unify the two elements.

I think the strokiness of the image is too consistent across the painting - the background sky is as detailed (visible strokes) as the mid-ground as the foreground - which puts everything on the same plane.
I'd soften the strokes in the sky, maybe by using a semi-opaque glaze, so the strokes are just hinted at, without creating a perfectly smooth sky.

Then I'd accentuate by the strokiness, and the contrasts between light and dark, in the palms, to bring them forward of the building. Some really crisp edges, some impasto, some calligraphic, bold and obvious strokes that communicate the core motion (from ground to leaf edge) of the palms (but just two or three) would also make the strokey technique a deliberate visual language.

What is missing, to me, is that sense of how the style (visible paint strokes) is a deliberate visual language - by altering the kinds of strokes, their degree of obviousness, etc, as needed to create the sense of depth, place, character, etc.

In other words, this painting is so almost there - - - I think if you looked at your brush strokes as caligraphy, you'd make the jump to an exceptional work.

sekulastudio
10-26-2006, 08:12 PM
Thank you ALL for your wonderful suggestions. I've been working on the painting throughout the day and am starting to like it more. I agree that the left side is too heavy and haven't worked it to my satisfaction yet. If I can't get on top of it soon I will start all over or do something completely different until I feel I can try it again. Again, thank you all!

sekulastudio
10-26-2006, 08:54 PM
Ok, here's the tweaked version. Since it was on panel, I cut off some of the right side, warmed up the building, added a few more leaves and a little white between the leaves on the left in an attempt to tie it all together. Although it isnt a masterpiece, I feel it is a great improvement and I have all of you to thank for your wonderful suggestions! I'm still asking for more critiques, this time on the updated one. Thanks all!http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/26-Oct-2006/78911-IMG_3538.JPG

legendasboy
10-26-2006, 09:56 PM
turned out very well i like it

Grob
10-26-2006, 11:01 PM
Amazing imporvement. I really like the frame too. Pinching the door between jungle and the frame gives the work helpful tension.

dreamz
10-26-2006, 11:14 PM
:clap: :thumbsup: looks GREAT!

Lady Carol
10-27-2006, 09:36 AM
Excellent improvements.

Charlie's Mum
10-27-2006, 01:12 PM
Glad you managed to upload!

the second version is a great improvement on the first - the door now has become the focal point - the attention is led there.
I like your brush strokes - very Cezanne-ish .... as is the colour!

You could add a few really strong darks to the foreground foliage tobring it forward of the door - it would act as a 'frame' to the painting.

The other thing I'd suggest you keep in mind is some lower foreground space - to lead the eye up from the bottom of the painting to the f/point ........ at present, the door look as if it's sitting on the bottom edge!

Jackie339
10-27-2006, 09:10 PM
Well done, you've solved the weight problem by cropping! Feels good dosen't it! I look forward to seeing your next painting.

sekulastudio
10-28-2006, 08:18 AM
More great suggestions! How wonderful to be able to get a critique from fellow artists. Thank you, thank you, thank you all!