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Grunge
07-05-2005, 08:50 PM
MY IMAGE(S):
http://www.wetcanvas.com/Critiques/upload_spool/07-05-2005/60457_3448sparrow-fledglings.jpg

http://www.wetcanvas.com/Critiques/upload_spool/07-05-2005/60457_fledgling_sparrows.jpg


GENERAL INFORMATION:
Title: Fledgling Sparrows
Year Created: 2005
Medium: Oil
Surface: Canvas
Dimension: 20 x 30
Allow digital alterations?: Yes!

MY COMMENTS:
i found this lovely image in the photo ref. library. I've had one sitting with it so far. wet on wet with a great deal of use of the fan brush.

MY QUESTIONS FOR THE GROUP:
the bird on the right seems ackward and I'm not sure how I feel about the colours. I dont want to do much if any revision to the bird on the left. Maybe I'll touch up the beak but I'm liking the feathers. I'm looking for frank critism. I can take it. what can i do to improve this one before i get myself to the point where i'm no longer wanting to make the suggested changes (yes...i tend to get like that sometimes).

Michael-Ann
07-05-2005, 08:57 PM
There seems to be a bit of glare that makes it hard to tell if you have done the light tips around the feathers that show in the photograph...your sparrows seem a bit more like dark-eyed junkos. But the bird form and proportion is excellent, especially their eyes! I feel like working a bit of the pine needles (not blocking the birds of course) might add an interesting touch, sort of placing them more clearly in their habitat.

Grunge
07-05-2005, 09:16 PM
There seems to be a bit of glare that makes it hard to tell if you have done the light tips around the feathers that show in the photograph...your sparrows seem a bit more like dark-eyed junkos. But the bird form and proportion is excellent, especially their eyes! I feel like working a bit of the pine needles (not blocking the birds of course) might add an interesting touch, sort of placing them more clearly in their habitat.

Yes, I will put the pine needles in as the last step. I want to get everything behind the needles the way I want it first. I'm rathere working back to front on this. also, the paint needs a chance to dry before i do the needles because I don't want to end up mixing with the layers beneath. sorry about the glare. I tried several shots but that was the best I've come up with so far. I didnt paint in the feathers as shown in the photograph, i.e. no light tips. I painted the feathers with the fan brush. they are much more fluffy than in the photo.

artbabe21
07-05-2005, 11:53 PM
Grunge...welcome to the OC forum...Ireally like what you have going on so far & since this is a WIP (work in progress) where folks there will helpwith some critiques. I will move it to that forum at the top of the page. Please do post it here when it's finished.

Mikey
07-06-2005, 08:24 AM
Wow T, you've taken on something here. I think your main problem is one of approach to the painting. Be bold, both with both the brush and contrast. You can see how much black there is in those feathers so put it in and establish the tonals values and structure right away rather than later. You can think about detail later on. You seem to have taken a nice easy approach to the background and see how well it works.

Mikey

Grunge
07-06-2005, 11:54 PM
Wow T, you've taken on something here. I think your main problem is one of approach to the painting. Be bold, both with both the brush and contrast. You can see how much black there is in those feathers so put it in and establish the tonals values and structure right away rather than later. You can think about detail later on. You seem to have taken a nice easy approach to the background and see how well it works.

Mikey

Artbabe: thanks. I had a feeling I wasn't quite in the right spot with this one.

Mikey: Yes, now that I really look at the two side by side I see what you are talking about. I'm just really afraid, i think, to go too black. generally when i use black i never use just a straight black. its either a blue black, or a red black, etc. but this is only after day one. there is plenty of time to get it right. I'm good with details..suckey at tone. I'll have to watch out for that. thanks. let me know what you think after the next update.

vhere
07-07-2005, 05:17 AM
aren't they gorgeous?

look at the negative space between the birds - you 've shrunk it and it's making the second bird come forward too much and not sit behind the first.

Do get that lovely raggedy feel into them :cat:

Grunge
07-07-2005, 10:54 PM
aren't they gorgeous?

look at the negative space between the birds - you 've shrunk it and it's making the second bird come forward too much and not sit behind the first.

Do get that lovely raggedy feel into them :cat:

Is that what the problem is? I keep staring at it and cant decide what to do to fix this problem. I was thinking on making the bird on the left larger in the rump. perehaps then the bird on the right should be smaller in the tummy.

vhere
07-08-2005, 05:00 AM
the breast of the bird on the right needs to go across at a steeper angle - bring the background colour over it to adjust.

there is a sort of hint of a tail on the left hand bird, which you aren't showing, which will help bring it forward towards the viewer.

i think these will help.

and work on that lovely fledgling scruffiness :)

Grunge
07-09-2005, 07:08 PM
Update: After the second sitting, and against my will and desire...I have pretty much repainted the birds. after taking your advice I am liking them much better.

vhere
07-10-2005, 12:15 PM
oh that's much better and that steeper slope gives him such an interested eager air. It's lovely :cat:

Spyderbabe
07-11-2005, 10:35 AM
Terrific - much better! vhere was right... the first little guy was at a funny angle.... Good fix!