View Full Version : Making The Perfect Christmas Cake!!

11-21-2004, 12:19 PM
A simple recipe for the uninitiated, the straight and mixer can be altered to one's personal choice. This is a time honoured tradition throughout many households and still holds true today.

Yup, it’s nearly that time of the year… and now is the time to start baking that Christmas cake. So to help you, here is a recipe for



1 cup water
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
4 large eggs
1 cup white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 cups dried fruit
Lemon juice
1 can of Red Bull
1 bottle of Vodka


1. Sample the vodka to check the quality. (VERY IMPORTANT)

2. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again.

3. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup of vodka and mix with a little Red Bull and drink.

4. Repeat.

5. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

6. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

7. At this point it is best to make sure the vodka is still ok.

8. Flavour with Red Bull to taste.

9. Try another cup – just in case, turn the mixerer off.

10. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in a cup of dried fruit.

11. Pick fruit off the floor.

12. Mix on the turner.

13. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry loose with a drewscriver.

14. Shample the vodka to check for tonsisticitiy, flavour with a little Bed Rull.

15. Next, ssifffft two cups of salt. Or something… Who giveshz a shi*

16. Throw a pinch of Bed Rull over your shoulder.

17. Pick up the can, mop the floor.

18. Check the vodka (shee steps 3 and 4).

19. Now shift the lemon and strain your nuts.

20. Add one table.

21. Add a shpoon of shugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

22. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

23. Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

24. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the dog.

25. Fall into bed.


:D :evil:

Now if you substitute sherry for the vodka and red bull you have the exact scenario that occurred last time SWMBO made a sherry trifle and went through TWO bottles of sherry in the process.....ROTFL!!


11-21-2004, 12:40 PM
I LOVE this recipe

I posted it last year but don't memremer :wink2: :evil:

mr sandbanx
11-21-2004, 12:46 PM
got to 19.. will finsih after I get home from hoshpital.

11-21-2004, 01:01 PM
I LOVE this recipe

I posted it last year but don't memremer :wink2: :evil:

LOL - well I looked for it Pam and can't find it - was hoping to get an insight into your secret favourite tipple..... :evil: :p

Chris - am saying NUFFINK!!! :angel: :wink2:


11-21-2004, 02:30 PM
Pat , this is hillarious , have sent it to friends and rellies.Thanks for the laugh. :wave:

11-21-2004, 02:37 PM
Cherry Mistymess to you to Patricia!! I think the real fun begins about the time you beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl! You should have your own cooking show like Emeril and demonstrate this! :D

11-21-2004, 07:25 PM
Pat, Wonderful!
Like the idea of your own tv show, In large Neon letters the Title could be;
Pat The Cute One Will now demonstrate Her wonderful receipe of her holiday hicup hicup cake.
J :music: :music: :music:

11-21-2004, 07:35 PM
Cherry Mistmas to you, too! I decided to make mine in honor of my insectors, no, .... my incestors, no, .... no, my ancestors (that's it!) and so I got a 6-pack of a good dark ale for the Brits, another 6-pack of strong lager for the Germans, a bottle of whiskey for the Irish and a bottle of anisette for the Italians. Everything was going schimminginglyly until right aroun' step 19.

Don't know what went wrong, but .... <buuuurrrpp> ... 'scuse me .... where was I .... .... :confused: ....

oh, oh, I know, hee hee, don't know what went wrong but right affer step 19 my wife says I started screeming so loud, (bloodcurdlin', she said) that she called the paramedics.


I'll talk to y'all later .... once the hospital releashsheses.... precreases me ... um, decreases me.... uh, let's me go home....