PDA

View Full Version : Evening Classes for Men!!


Europa
10-30-2004, 06:38 AM
NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!!!

ALL ARE WELCOME

OPEN TO MEN ONLY

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants - sign up early and get a discount on registration

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:
DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS

Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?

Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR

Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?

Debate among a panel of experts.

LOSS OF VIRILITY

Losing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and support groups


LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS

Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum

DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?

Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH

PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST

Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?

Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER

Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION

Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE

Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME

Individual counsellors available

Pat

mr sandbanx
10-30-2004, 08:40 AM
On behalf of men everywhere... Did you say something Pat?

And please, there's football all day, why dont you go shopping... take the kids.

artmom
10-30-2004, 08:41 AM
ROFLMBOPIMP! :evil: :D

Lyn

BobH
10-30-2004, 11:46 AM
Okay, first I read that nice thread you posted about staying young and I think "what a wonderful person Pat is!" THEN I read this!! I may have to go back and retract my comments :wink2: :wink2:

It's obvious you've never attended these classes. Let me fill you in on the correct answers :angel: :angel:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Just wait. Sooner or later someone will do it. Until then if you want a cold soda, stick it in the freezer for a while.

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Yes.

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
None.

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Yes, as far as we can tell.

LOSS OF VIRILITY (i.e. loss of control of remote)
Has yet to happen since the invention of the remote control. For those instances where it appears control has been lost it has been conclusively proven that the man in question has actually died. And even then a crowbar was required.

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Ask your significant other. There is a 100% chance she's the one who put everything away, anyway!

DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Neither. They belong on the kitchen counter.

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
This is frequently gotten wrong. Bringing her flowers IS harmful to your health because: 1) you always bring them on the wrong day, leading to 2) instant suspicion that you "did something wrong"....

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Ummm, no we don't. That one guy who did? Vanished in a puff of smoke, never to be seen again.

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Yes.

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
You can think about your partner "that way"....

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Bitch and whine, then you're not brought along the next time.

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
For the first, sneak into her calendar or PDA.
For the second, "no cell phone service"

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Ummmm, this class if for the significant others, right?

:evil: :evil: :angel: :D

Europa
10-30-2004, 12:18 PM
ROTFL - oh Bob - I love a man with a sense of humour and probably one who hasnt shown his significant other his thoughts on this.......ROTFL.

Pat :evil: :p (and I am a nice person!!! :wink2: )

maltman
10-30-2004, 12:52 PM
As a single man, both the questions and answers are irrelevant as I am the only one to satisfy...(and I am easily satisfied)

I often think someone should compile a dictionary just for men...for example in your list...

"floor"..... a large flat level surface for storing everything, including dust.

"milk carton"...a highly collectable item

"dish washer"...a device invented by women to aid them in washing kitchen items


etc...etc

Pat, obviosly you have a lot of spare time if you can take the time to compile a list like this thread, (not to mention the elephant joke episode), ..so maybe next time you're doing nothing you could write such a dictionary.....if you need any assistance, I'm sure you have many female friends who are willing to help...a dedication inside the front cover is the only acknowledgement I require....you can keep the royalties (or maybe give them to your better half to go to the pub)

Brian

Starsprite
10-30-2004, 01:23 PM
Please sign my hubby up for these classes immediately Pat!!! He is guilty of them all...cept he just forgets the flowers altogether... will NOT give up the remote control for nothin...(even when asleep, if I try to snatch it from his hand he wakes up and glares), AND can get the toilet roll ON TOP of the holder, but not completely on it. Maybe he's too weak to operate the spring action of the holder...LOL

I'm beginning to think of purchasing a nice teddy bear like MacDuff would be a better option. :D :D

dspinks
10-30-2004, 01:57 PM
EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Neither. They belong on the kitchen counter.

Proof positive!!! Left by DH not five minutes ago.

Debra

http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/30-Oct-2004/7933-MilkCarton.jpg

Starsprite
10-30-2004, 02:00 PM
LOL Debra and he left it open too I see!!! What are they thinking??? :D

Flattwo
10-30-2004, 02:13 PM
http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/30-Oct-2004/3457-A_Yawn.jpgZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ :evil:

Gilberte
10-30-2004, 02:28 PM
:evil: :D :evil: :D :evil: :D :evil:

Europa
10-30-2004, 02:50 PM
Malty - I am single too - so the only problem I have is with the two males in this house coupled with a Mother who thinks they can do no wrong :( - and Spritey you are soooooo right about leaving it on top of the toilet roll holder.......ROTFL.

Debra - thank you - the proof has been captured on film.......lol.

Aaaaaaaaw Henry - did it tire you out taking all that in love. :evil: :wink2:

Pat

Flattwo
10-30-2004, 02:54 PM
I am exhausted, from trying to teach a Female how to reverse a car around a corner!

Europa
10-30-2004, 05:27 PM
Lol!!

Strawberry Wine
11-01-2004, 07:06 PM
:D :D :D on everything but the flowers My DH brings me flowers for NO REASON often

Dan, opens the cupboard or fridge door looking for a paricular item. If it is not front and center quite loudly says " There is no..... why are we out of ....

"No" I say " it is on the second shelf"

"I can't find it"

"It's there"

No it IS NOT!!!!"

"Would you lke me to find it for you??""


"Yes, because we have not got any"

As Gail reluctantly leaves the computer " Oh, it's OK I found it"

The above scene happens Way Too Often :D

Cheers,

Gail

Starsprite
11-01-2004, 10:05 PM
:D :D :D on everything but the flowers My DH brings me flowers for NO REASON often

Dan, opens the cupboard or fridge door looking for a paricular item. If it is not front and center quite loudly says " There is no..... why are we out of ....

"No" I say " it is on the second shelf"

"I can't find it"

"It's there"

No it IS NOT!!!!"

"Would you lke me to find it for you??""


"Yes, because we have not got any"

As Gail reluctantly leaves the computer " Oh, it's OK I found it"

The above scene happens Way Too Often :D

Cheers,

Gail


LOL Gail!!! I get that too.. and what he's looking for is about to hit him smack between the eyes. :D

Heck I would be happy to put up with all of these things men do IF HE WOULD ONLY BRING ME FLOWERS!!! Without me telling him to that is...of his own free will. :)

Strawberry Wine
11-03-2004, 06:51 PM
LOL Gail!!! I get that too.. and what he's looking for is about to hit him smack between the eyes. :D

Heck I would be happy to put up with all of these things men do IF HE WOULD ONLY BRING ME FLOWERS!!! Without me telling him to that is...of his own free will. :)

Dan knows how much I enjoy my garden as I always have fresh flowers inside during the growing season. So during the non growing season every once and while he brings me in a bouquet. He is such a sweetie :)

Cheers,

Gail