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View Full Version : A Thank You For Chain Emails!!


Europa
10-14-2004, 10:45 AM
Just a note of thanks to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your damn chain letters over the past two years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern... I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains or the paint on my car. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine on the top of the can.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaida in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogen they contain will turn me gay. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice. I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time). I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now return the favor. If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will cr*p on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend.......

PAT :evil: :p

CharM
10-14-2004, 11:56 AM
http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/14-Oct-2004/20514-rofllol.gifhttp://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/14-Oct-2004/20514-rofllol.gifhttp://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/14-Oct-2004/20514-rofllol.gif as I sit here with my CAN of coke, waiting for my saran wrapped lunch of KFC chicken to warm in the microwave while banking online with 363,215 angels sitting on my shoulder...

Uschi
10-14-2004, 01:53 PM
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Only you Pat!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :evil: :D
Uschi

Yorky
10-14-2004, 05:53 PM
LOL Pat :D :D :D

Priceless! :D

Doug

laudesan
10-14-2004, 05:55 PM
Thats my Girlfriend. LOL :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

JustjoGA
10-14-2004, 05:58 PM
As Lyn (Artmom) would/will say: LMAOPIMPROFL

ingegerd
10-15-2004, 08:57 AM
Hhmm
Does this mean that you will leave as in order to live on a small island in the Atlantic and only eat food that you grown yourself and comunicate with the rest of the world by sending letters in bottles?

jwcarroll
10-15-2004, 01:57 PM
Did you forget the brain damage you can get from the waves coming off the computer screen? :evil: :evil:

Jim

Freerider
10-15-2004, 03:00 PM
I would like to quote one of the texts from bash.org (http://bash.org) :

Jersey Seven: 2DAY IS NATIONAL PRESENTS DAY!!~! SEND THIS MESSAGE TO 30 OTHER PPL AND YOU WILL RECIEVE MANY PRESENTS FOR XMAS AND UR TRUE LOVE WILL FINALLY START TO LIKE U!!!~
U ONLY HAVE 10 MINUTES SO U BETTER HURY!!!~
Chant320: Hey. Tomorrow is national shut the fsck up with the stupid chain letters day. It never hurts to get a head start.

<sorry for the swear word...:( >

Strawberry Wine
10-16-2004, 10:00 PM
:clap: :clap: :clap: Pat, I am printing this one out which I will send to my sister and many others who have sent me some of the abovementioned Chains ..

Hilarious. Notwithstanding meeting Uschi, Char and Gerri, you have made my day :D

Cheers,

Gail

juneto
10-24-2004, 02:39 AM
Absolutely Hilarious!
My husband wanted to know what could possibly be so funny on the Computer .
I hope you also write for a living ,too besides being a painter .
June :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: