You might be a classical art subject if...

[Lemnus]

I was reading Guillot's post about what should constitute "classical." Well, I am not sure I have an answer, but I definitely know classical art when I see it. Many people have been depicted in classical artwork throughout the centuries. But did you ever stop to wonder whether they realized they would one day be considered "classical" subjects? Here's an example of some questions you might ask yourself if you ever find yourself on the business end of someone's paint brush. Feel free to add to the list. :D

1. Are you naked, chained to a boulder, observing with great trepidation while some hideous monster emerges from the murky depths of the sea to devour you? If so, you might be a classical art subject.

2. Are you a woman standing topless among a group of bearded men while they intently discuss politics or religion and yet no one seems to be noticing? If so, you might be a classical art subject.

3. Are you pointing to another person, while she is pointing at someone else, while they lean on a spear that is pointing at yet another person, who is pointing back at you? If so, you might be a classical art subject.

4. Is your head severed? You are most assuredly a classical art subject.

5. Are you a woman and is your pubic region curiously bereft of hair? You might be a classical art subject.

6. Are you being crucified? Enough said.

7. Have you recently been ravished by a swan, been visited by a succubus, or been impregnated by a beam of light? You might be a classical art subject.

[David Brown]

LOL...what a hoot! :D

[artmom]

ROFLOL! :D

I needed that! LOL

Lyn

[Biki]

I dunno - I don't quite "get it".
are you having a "go" at classical art.?

I can think of a million subjects, but it all depends on how they are rendrered, whether I would consider them classical or not.

spill your beans, hey?

[dcorc]

If you're in a biblical scene, while wearing 16thC costume, and illuminated by a single 40watt lightbulb positioned about 50 yards off to one side, you're probably classical too!

[bjs0704]

This is Too funny! :evil:

Have we yet mentioned the muscular young male who stands serenely tied to a stake while arrows, spears or other sharp pointed objects are piecing his skin and emerges from the other side?

This could be Biblical, could be Roman, could be Medieval.

If this describes you, could be classical?

Barb Solomon :cat:

[decktilldawn]

Saint Sebastian??

[loop]

if you are a very big and muscular man with a tiny penis and run around naked all the time..and nobody notices .. you may be a classical art subject.

[bjs0704]

Yes, St. Sebastian is the main one I'm thinking of.

But really any of number of depictions of war heroes done before the age of firearms.

(I recently went to a museum with someone who was not educated in art and he was puzzling over these fellows and their reactions to their situations.He couldn't get over the contrast of the morbid situations and smiling models.)

"Great deeds of Great men" are classical enough for Aristotle. The ideas about what was appropriate and inappropriate subjects for art were often derived from Aristotle.

Barb Solomon :cat:

[loop]

oh I know ... if everywhere you go there is that stupid gold plate stuck to the back of your head, you are most definatly a classical art subject :D

your table is covered with a draped oriental rug and your wall has a sheet nailed to it


you have a couple extra vertabre...just cause it looks better

if you breast feed grown men in alley-ways..or prison

if you have fat babies with wings constantly flying around you ...

if you roll around the surf buck naked but never seem to get a drop of water on your skin...


hey we should pick the best ten we can come up with and do a letterman clone thing

[bjs0704]

hey we should pick the best ten we can come up with and do a letterman clone thing

Loop - That could be fun! :angel:

Barb Solomon :cat:

[bjs0704]

Does your new spring wardrobe look suspiciously like a bedsheet? Then, you might be a classical subject.


Do little angel guys help you hang your wreaths and "curtains"? Then, you might be a classical subject.

Barb Solomon :cat:

[WV.Artistry]

Loop: the tiny penis.. ha ha, too true. When I was a boy, I thought men from the middle-ages had a genetic defect, or something.

---

If the artist spends more time mixing flammable substances than actually painting you -- then you might just be a classical subject.

[prairie painter]

I'm sooo glad I check in here before work, a good laugh before administering achievement tests just makes the day smoother. Too funny!
(I wish I could just ROF and LMAO, it'd be much easier than my usual workout!)

[guillot]

Funny !! :D

Tina

[raphaël_eko]

Hehehe... good ones - keep them coming.

Um, how about:

Do you think you could contend in the next men's natural bodybuilding pose-down, yet have incredibly globular breasts and a mane of flowing curls? You sir, er, m'am could be a classical subject.

[Danny]

How about you might be a Classical Artist IF

You Might be a classical artist if you look at modern art and say HUH?

You might be a classical artist if you draw on Church walls without getting arrested.

You might be a classic artist if you have a name no one can pronounce or everyone pronounces differently.

On the other hand you might NOT be a classical artist if you spill all your paint on a canvas and get paid millions for calling it art.

You MIGHT NOT be a classical artist if there is an eye where the tiny
penis should be.

You might be a classical artist if all your models look like absolute
Photographs and have a smile on their face and everyone wonders just what you did to put such a smile on her face and debate it for centuries. :)

[SweetBabyJ]

...if, during a period of famine, your battle horse has more muscles than you, and all the peasant soldiers around you are waving spears rather than pitchforks, you might be a classical art subject.

...if you are extremely myopic and paint waterlillies from 50' away, you might be a classical Impressionist.

...if you are a nubile maiden, invited up to a famous artist's loft in the late afternoon, and given the explicit understanding you would be there come morning, and yet, you still retain your "purity", you might be a classical art subject.

...if you can manage to carry a huge and heavy clay urn full of water and still look relaxed and at ease, you might be a classical art subject.

...if you can manage to keep your eyes rolled back up into your head while all the action is going on around you, you might be a classical art subject.

...if you are a mother of children who can look both cute and lively at the same time WITHOUT moving a hair, you and your brood might be a classical art subjects.

...if you are a new bride who may or may not be pregnant, you might be a classical art subject.

[roslyn]

If you are in the middle of a field and see Corinthian columns off to one side, you are in a classical landscape.