View Full Version : Artist Jokes. Are there any?

dave woody
04-06-2018, 06:01 PM
I am a rock musician by trade and there are jokes galore about Guitarists, Drummers, Singers etc etc.

I am new to art, new to painting.....and ...not yet come across any jokes about painters and artists.

This is what I mean......my wife actually did mean this.....

My missus wishes I was more than just a painter....she suggested that I could be a painter and decorator.

04-06-2018, 08:39 PM
Q:Why did the artist cross the road?
A: To get to the other side!

Q: Did you hear about the artist who lost his dog?
A: He had to go out and canvas the area!

Q: What do artists do on the weekends?
A: Paint the town (various shades of) red!

dave woody
04-06-2018, 09:09 PM
Yay.....there are some!!!

dave woody
04-06-2018, 09:10 PM
How do artists deal with critics?

They Brush them off.

04-06-2018, 09:31 PM
Hear about the artist whose work was wrongly implicated in a crime?

It was framed.

04-06-2018, 10:39 PM
Now I understand Dave, I get the picture! :lol:

04-06-2018, 11:21 PM
Rembrandt, Da Vinci and Michelangelo entered a competition to determine the best artist.

In the end it was a draw.

04-07-2018, 12:22 AM
See my sig!

But my fave is: “Painting is easy when you don’t know how, but very difficult when you do” -Degas

04-07-2018, 12:41 AM
How many artists does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten. One to change it, and nine to reassure him about how good it looks.

04-07-2018, 05:22 AM
I thought musicians were also artists :)... or was that a joke? :D

Katie Black
04-07-2018, 10:53 AM
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor..."

04-07-2018, 12:03 PM

dave woody
04-07-2018, 06:06 PM
Thanks everyone.

04-08-2018, 11:44 AM
Attalus....NOT FUNNY.

Members, do NOT open that link. Virus. :(

04-08-2018, 12:40 PM
I'm sure unintentional, but I had to run and pull the plug on my computer.
Not a joke. Do not open that link from Attalus.

04-08-2018, 02:48 PM
I'm sure unintentional, but I had to run and pull the plug on my computer.
Not a joke. Do not open that link from Attalus.

This is one reason WetCanvas discourages off-site links

04-08-2018, 02:51 PM
How do you get an artist off the porch? Pay him for the pizza.

What do you call an artist whose girl friend dumps him? Homeless.

Charlie's Mum
04-08-2018, 02:56 PM
Thanks Derek, I've removed that post/link.

04-08-2018, 04:25 PM
Local graphics company had a massive layoff during the recent recession. The guy responsible for handing out employee pink slips was Art Major. The first guy out the door was Will Paint.

04-08-2018, 06:32 PM
Why did the artist get arrested after a night out celebrating with his friends?

Because he painted the town red.

Why was Monet rejected from the Salon so many times?

He kept making a bad Impression.

04-12-2018, 12:54 PM
Three people were walking on a beach when they kicked up a magic lantern. Out popped a Genie. “Okay, who gets the three wishes?” When no one raised his hand, the Genie granted one wish to each of them. The first dude said he was a sculptor and wanted to have a one-man show in the ritziest gallery in the world. Zingo, he disappeared to Paris. The second said he was an abstract oil painter and wanted to have a one-person show in an International gallery. Zip, and he was gone to the Soho district in London. “What about you?” the Genie said to the third one. He sighed and said, “I own a fast food shop in town. I just want those guys back to work in a half-hour.”

04-12-2018, 03:56 PM

04-13-2018, 06:00 AM
A woman visited an art gallery.. One picture was bright blue with vivid orange swirls while the one next to it was black with lime green blobs.
The artist was standing nearby so she said to him "I'm sorry, but I don't understand your paintings."
He replied loftily "I paint what I feel inside me"
The woman asked "Have you tried Alka Seltzer ?"

04-14-2018, 05:08 AM
A young artist had his first show. A critic approached him and asked if he wanted to hear his critique. The artist said "Sure.". The critic said "It's worthless", to which the artist replied "I know. Let's hear it anyway. ".

04-14-2018, 09:05 AM
If you had to choose, would you want to be an artist, or would you want to be rich?

“The Artist," an ancient sage had once said, "is always sitting on the doorsteps of the rich.” -Charles Bukowski

Katie Black
04-14-2018, 11:35 AM
After his wife divorced him, Joe asked his best friend, Bill, to fix him up with a blind date. Bill obliged. The next day Joe called up Bill and shouted at him angrily: "Bill, what kind of a guy do you think I am. That girl you fixed me up with was cross-eyed; she was almost bald; her nose was long, thin and crooked; she had hair growing on her face; she was flat chested; and her ankles were as thick as her thighs".
Bill answered: "Either you like Picasso, or you don't like Picasso."

dave woody
04-15-2018, 09:28 AM
Keep them coming ....love it.