Need advice....

[forlove]

Hi,

I'm having a difficult time deciding what to do with my life...what to study in school. I'm not some young high school student either so....

But to get to the point I've had a lot of personal problems and I've lived through some crazy abuse so my self esteem is pretty much in the gutter. I enjoy art, fine art, digital whatever. The only thing art related that I've done since high school (over twelve years ago) is basic web design.

So what am I getting at...I'm looking through college catalogs and I'm considering getting my degree in computer science, blech too technical...accounting...I guess I won't fall asleep? Then I see Fine Art and I think to myself those classes would be fun. So that tells me yes...yes that is probably what I should go to school for right? Wrong because all I can think is that I'm not good enough at it and I should take the easy route of accounting or computers because it doesn't require me to lay myself out there for people to walk on. I know that sounds...DUMB. But I can't help but feel like I'll take classes and be pathetic and UN-talented...and just blech.

So what do I want?? I don't know just advice on how to pull it together? Artistically I'm not brilliant nor do I possess natural born talent nor do I create things (other than basic graphics), on a regular basis, so will interest and passion be enough?? I guess I'm mostly afraid of putting it out there and failing or being made fun of (I know, bad)! I've lost so much already, I'm just so scared!

Thanks for reading my post-

[saralindsey]

this is either a good suggestion or the end result of way to much medication from getting my wisdom teeth out. have you considered a fine arts degree in graphic art or something dealing with digital communications? you seem to like the logic of computers and accounting but also done graphic work, which also means you don't have to be the next picasso so to speak in art class. because digital art is unique in many ways from non-digital artwork (i'm sure there is some technical term for it but i probably wasn't paying attention). that is my suggestion at the moment.

[baquitania]

I would suggest a compromise... something to feed your soul and your belly. Perhaps majoring in Computer Science, and taking some elective Fine Art classes...

My reasoning is that although I love and adore computer art, I believe it's on it's own platform of creative fulfillment, seperate from the hands on stuff of traditional fine art mediums. Which as you say although you may not possess an exorbitant amount of talent, might not be wise to dive off soley into... that's not to say you shouldn't indulge your bliss and learn these wonderful things from professionals who might guide you to a deeper appreciation.

Monetarily speaking CS is an ever expanding field job wise, and you might not enjoy just being another struggling fine arts person... and again, many of us learn from self teaching ourselves even after college, something I do not think you can do as well in CS... whatever you decide, think first of your own happiness... I wish you luck.

Bobby

[taffetta]

dont be scared, no-one is going to have a go at you, or laugh at you.You'll find that if anyone does do that, its usually because they feel threatened by something you've done, and not because 'you deserve it' or anything.
as far as confidence goes, i think most people start out with very little, but the love of doing whatever it is they're doing, and the progress they make, increases confidence.You dont suddenly become the most confident person in the world, but little by little, it all begins to add up.
cant add anything for what type of degree to go for since thats already been covered, but good luck.

[amo]

So that tells me yes...yes that is probably what I should go to school for right? Wrong because all I can think is that I'm not good enough at it

A long time ago, in my pre-painting days, I met this lady who was working on her Bachelor's of Fine Arts. I said "Wow, so you must be really good at art, to be able to go to art school!" Her response: "No, you don't have to be really good to start with- that's why you go there, to learn it!" To this day I bless her for that remark, because it's what started me on my own path to art.

So no real advice here, just some encouragement: you might be better than you think- often it's the passion and determination that counts more than anything.
Incidentally, that goes for any of the other fields, too: the people who will be successful in Computer Science are the ones who are passionate about computers, and love programming, and they'll get the good jobs over the ones who just chose that field because they couldn't think of anything else to do.

Keep exploring, and see what turns your crank- see which ones of the descriptions in the course catalogue have you drooling, and which ones just mildly interest you, and which ones make you shudder. Likely you'll be good at what you love.

[arlene]

seriously if you haven't done so, i'd suggest before you make a decision like that to go and get yourself some therapy to help you increase your self esteem. if you find a good person, it works.

then i think you'll be able to look at it a bit more objectively...also the fact that you can't settle leads me to wonder if you have add or adhd...(many creative folks do, and most don't realize it)

no i'm not a shrink or doc, so am talking as just someone who has seen this firsthand.

the other advice here is excellent...oh and realize that even the best artist has self doubts...always...it comes with the territory.

[princess buttercup]

Forlove, you sound a lot like me. I've been through some rough times myself and have battled constantly with self-esteem issues. And I've had a heck of a time figuring out what I want to be when I grow up! (I'm 38.)

My love of art seemed to be at odds with my need to make a living. Although I always liked artsy-craftsy stuff, I never felt I had any natural talent, and I always thought that the only people who went to art school were those who were naturally gifted... like they just went to art school to refine their gift, or something. So once I counted art out of my list of career possibilities, I was then left with trying to figure out just what in the heck I WOULD be good at. I've been struggling with the decision for nearly 20 years now!

I finally decided to pursue an associate's degree in graphic arts because I thought I'd enjoy the computer element as well as the visual (I'm probably going to major in desktop publishing.)

Tentatively, almost guiltily, I took a design class last quarter... mostly for fun, but I felt like I needed to justify the time and expense of it as being a useful adjunt to my degree. So I consulted with a guidance counselor in the graphic arts department who encouraged me to take as much art and design as I could to round out my skill set in graphic arts.

Long story short, the design class went great and although I was far from good at it, I did learn that I'm more creative, resourceful and yes, even talented, than I thought. I'm now taking my first drawing class and even though I'm one of the worst in the class so far, I'm really enjoying it and learning a lot every day. Even my worst drawings are so much better than I ever imagined I could do, and more importantly, I'm getting better and better with practice!

All it took was giving myself permission to try, and then just jumping in there and doing it.

I'm still not confident I'll ever be a good enough artist to make money at it, but that's what the graphic arts degree is for...:D And who knows, maybe I'll surprise myself if I keep at it!

[MsLilypond]

I would have to agree with everyone else, graphic arts would be a good combination of your interest in arts and computers, with that degree you could do quite alot, designing logos for companies, desining pamphlets, my friend w/ a graphic design degree works for a telephone book company designing ads for the telephone books, I design signs and car decals and banners,
another girl I went to college with, works at a screenprinters shop that does t-shirts, sweatshirts, etch. there is also people who design the labels and graphics for different products.

There lots you can do, I never really considered myself brilliant in art, and I bet you are a lot more creative than you think.

But if you are really uncomfortable about what the future holds and want a stable job maybe do as another person suggested and get your major in computer science and do your minor in fine art or graphic design.

And being scared is normal, I get scared and uneasy anytime I put myself and my art on the line. But I do it anyway, I don't want to get old and think to myself if only I wasn't too scared to try.

Hope I could be of some help.

[kare]

1. you're interested in art, thats a good start and
2. you have passion for creating.

every artist is interested in learning more.. every artist is mostly driven by passion for art in the first place.

you have what it takes alright!! :)
try picking up something that you can draw/paint with and draw what you feel.. if you are not feeling happy or sad.. draw all of your emotions on a piece of paper.. it may look bad or childish but believe me.. sometimes this is the best therapy.

-ciarrai.

[forlove]

Hello everyone,
Thank you for the great advice. I really appreciate it. I think what I'm going to try to do is lean towards computers / graphics but I'm also very interested in fine art. I need to jump out there and do it or just let it go (and regret it!) In the fall I plan to take a few computer courses. The courses that always have me drooling are the art courses. Maybe I'll go with one computer and one art. Ahh, we'll see - :) I'll keep you all posted either way.

I wish I didn't lack self esteem but then again I know most people suffer from it. It will only build by doing what I want...I just need to remind myself of that... :)

As for suffering from ADD, I don't know? I do suffer from depression and I've been fighting with whether or not to go on antidepressants. I know I need counselling but I don't feel comfortable with discussing or revealing my past.
Thank you again all -
rachel

[arlene]

Originally posted by forlove
Hello everyone,
Thank you for the great advice. I really appreciate it. I think what I'm going to try to do is lean towards computers / graphics but I'm also very interested in fine art. I need to jump out there and do it or just let it go (and regret it!) In the fall I plan to take a few computer courses. The courses that always have me drooling are the art courses. Maybe I'll go with one computer and one art. Ahh, we'll see - :) I'll keep you all posted either way.

I wish I didn't lack self esteem but then again I know most people suffer from it. It will only build by doing what I want...I just need to remind myself of that... :)

As for suffering from ADD, I don't know? I do suffer from depression and I've been fighting with whether or not to go on antidepressants. I know I need counselling but I don't feel comfortable with discussing or revealing my past.
Thank you again all -
rachel

My advice is to go get a full evaluation, for your mental health with a psychiatrist who specializes in diagnosis and medication...don't fight the idea...

do you wear glasses? would you give them up if you did, because you should be able to see without them? Think of medications when properly administered with a proper diagnosis, as eyeglasses for your brain..

it's been shown that depression, adhd, etc are caused by chemical inbalances in our brains...(and yes upbringing can change our chemistry too)

after the diagnosis and starting you on meds, there's a good chance that a good psychiatrist will recommend you to a therapist...definitely do so...and if you don't feel comfortable with the first one, try another.