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alangraham
05-09-2012, 10:03 AM
MY IMAGE(S):
http://www.wetcanvas.com/Critiques/upload_spool/05-09-2012/974826_DSCN2560.JPG

http://www.wetcanvas.com/Critiques/upload_spool/05-09-2012/974826_DSCN2561.JPG

http://www.wetcanvas.com/Critiques/upload_spool/05-09-2012/974826_DSCN2562.JPG


GENERAL INFORMATION:
Title: Wine for Two, WiP...
Year Created:
Medium: Oil Pastel
Surface: Board
Dimension: 8x10
Allow digital alterations?: Yes!

MY COMMENTS:
Looking for critiques on this one. Usually post on the Oil Pastel forum, but decided to try this out. It's primary done in OPs with India Ink and Acrylic. I use gamsol solvent over the OPs to help manipulate them. My style, I believe, falls in the Post-Impressionist/Expressionists.

What I like--
I like the color tone, which is mainly dark. I also like the waitress pouring the wine.

I tend to avoid detail in faces, especially eyes. I feel the piece works without eyes, and I do not plan to add any.

Thanks for any feedback that may be given.

MY QUESTIONS FOR THE GROUP:
Questions:

-How do you feel about the wine bottle? Seems off.
-Do the dinner plates seem out of place?
-The woman is rather thin and bony, does it still work? Perhaps change her left shoulder area?
-Does the piece work without eyes?
-I find the focal point to be in the area of the bottle, agree/disagree?
-The woman's eyebrow is thick, but connects together. Unibrow or should I space them some?
-Can you tell it's a waitress and not a waiter?
-The man is rather plain, so does he need anything extra?

alangraham
05-09-2012, 08:23 PM
I changed the body a bit on the woman...

mark brazney
05-10-2012, 10:06 AM
the man is ok. the waitress has bubblie hips so yes woman. the ladies right cheek needs fixing like alangraham did... very stylized I like it... a couple little tweaks and you got yourself a good piece. I notice the waitress's white shirt the most not the wine, but the wine could be the COI... I think flow is the most important not COI but they go hand and hand. nice work

alangraham
05-10-2012, 10:27 AM
Thanks, Mark, I'm glad you like my style. I'm going to continue to fix the woman's arm today, and then add maybe some brighter green to the bottle and perhaps some vermilion color to highlight the pouring wine. The man is forgettable, save for him tapping his fingers. Any ideas on what would improve him or should I just leave it be as I feel he is the least important of the three IMHO.

regards,

mark brazney
05-10-2012, 11:56 AM
add his right hand... that will bring your eye in from the left too... maybe reaching for his wine to cheers, but not grabbing his wine yet... keep it up

alangraham
05-10-2012, 03:39 PM
Thanks Mark.

I decided to mainly focus on the woman's left arm and her face. Decided to leave the man alone. I did add some more color to everything, however.

Her arm and face looks much better, but will have to let the acrylic dry before smoothing out the jaggedness which appears near the crossing of her arms. The acrylic got away from me there :)

regards,

song_bird
05-10-2012, 08:44 PM
The man's face looks stylistically different to me than the rest of the painting. It seems less spontaneous too. I might adjust the shape of the glasses, but maybe that's not important and the way you like them.

Like the colors and tonal qualities of the piece!

alangraham
05-10-2012, 10:13 PM
Song Bird, thanks.

I'm happy to know you like the colors and tone. I thought the tone came out well, too. The wine glasses, I'm going to leave. As for the man's face, I'm a bit confused in understanding how it's different style wise?

I suppose his chin could be less rigid, and his forehead be more round. The head is also a bit thicker than the woman's but that sames normal to me as I've made her rather petite. Actually, the more I look at him, his neck could be moved back some...

Thanks,
Cory

song_bird
05-10-2012, 11:55 PM
I'll try to describe what I mean. Her face looks more stylized. His doesn't. It's missing the dark outlines like the rest of the painting and the strong, sleek strokes. Everything else has a modern edge. His face and hair is soft and blurred.

Tapping his fingers. I thought maybe he was crossing them ;)

Here, to make him more memorable, try a strong jaw and nose, and great hair, more like this :cat:

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t98/ElijahElizahBlack/gabriel101-1-1.jpg

alangraham
05-11-2012, 10:26 AM
I'll try to describe what I mean. Her face looks more stylized. His doesn't. It's missing the dark outlines like the rest of the painting and the strong, sleek strokes. Everything else has a modern edge. His face and hair is soft and blurred.

Tapping his fingers. I thought maybe he was crossing them ;)

Here, to make him more memorable, try a strong jaw and nose, and great hair, more like this :cat:

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t98/ElijahElizahBlack/gabriel101-1-1.jpg

Thanks, I got it now. OK, I have some ideas, too. I'll angle the jaw a bit more, and move the neck back as it's way too thick. Also, his eye area could maybe be more curved. As for the hair, and as in your pic you gave, that could be improved for sure. A simple step would be to change the color to black or something darker IMO.

Thanks!