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Fagan
04-28-2003, 11:50 AM
6" x 8" watercolor. I thought to do some haiku illustrations. Does this work? or too simple? critiques welcomed!

http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/28-Apr-2003/2383-haiku_dove.jpg

close up of words

http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/28-Apr-2003/2383-haiku_dove_cl.jpg

babybrush
04-28-2003, 11:58 AM
it works perfectly!! i like it. just like the mourning doves here.

Bethany

Fagan
04-28-2003, 12:00 PM
Thank you Bethany! I have noticed that doves "sing" just before a rainy day.

artmom
04-28-2003, 12:02 PM
Really like it--I love the cry of the mourning doves and I think your poem and painting capture it well.:)

Lyn

gealflings
04-28-2003, 12:08 PM
Oh, this is very nice... The simplicity fits the simplicity of haiku very well; I think any more detail and it would be overburdened, as if you turned your haiku into a limerick.. :D

Bill J
04-28-2003, 12:12 PM
Beverly--smiply nice!!
I like the branch entering and leaving the drawing {I think I'll use that technique}
bill:cat:

CharM
04-28-2003, 12:44 PM
Sometimes simplicity is the best! Fagan, this is absolutely beautiful! The painting and the poem... Quite... mournful... You are very talented...

JanJones
04-28-2003, 12:54 PM
Very nice, very peaceful.

Fagan
04-28-2003, 01:50 PM
Lyn, Gealflings, Bill, CharM and Jan...thank you all for looking and commenting! I think I have the printing too far left! yikes! oh well...maybe I can "float" the painting.

Gilberte
04-28-2003, 02:06 PM
very charming really !

Yorky
04-28-2003, 03:58 PM
Beautifully done!

I must find out about Haiku.

Doug

warter
04-28-2003, 04:24 PM
Simply nice... good jesture.. you shouuld explore this backlighting further. Great job !!

M.A.
04-28-2003, 04:26 PM
I like the overall simplicity.

Fagan
04-28-2003, 06:46 PM
Gilberte....thank you!

Doug...There is a structure to Japanese Haiku that is not in English. From what I understand just about anything goes. *LOL*

warter...thanks for the comment. I use backlighting quite often.

fun2cookie....thank you. I was wanting simplicity.

surreal
04-28-2003, 08:54 PM
It is a beautiful image.

It exudes a wonderful feeling of serenity.

:D

Phillip
04-28-2003, 08:57 PM
I think this would make a great postcard.

artman42
04-28-2003, 09:06 PM
Yes i think its Very Peacful. Maybe u could add some Feather type shadows on the dove , a bit not alot just a tad just ,my opion.

Laura Tasheiko
04-28-2003, 09:50 PM
Works well! Like the simplicity - very calming effect. L

Astur
04-29-2003, 02:01 AM
I like that kid of "simplicity" (not as simple as it appers, sure)

My only "But" is perhaps made the birds silouttes darker in order to improve the contrast with the background....

rapolina
04-29-2003, 07:48 AM
so beautiful and simply! I like very very much.

but can you tell me something more about haiku paintings? never heard before:confused: :o

:clap: :clap: :clap:

ciao, rapolina.

KansasLady
04-29-2003, 07:56 AM
I love this. The simplicity of the painting, the beauty of the verse. They work well together.

I've wanted to combine painting & poetry, but didn't know how to do it...I think you have the answer!

Fagan
04-29-2003, 09:29 AM
Surreal and Laura....thank you!

Phillip....maybe some day it will be. *LOL*

Artman and Astur...I had it darker in the beginning and it looked funny...so I blotted it. I think I had it right the first time....good eye!


Rapolina....thank you for looking! I have read quite a bit on Haiku and still come out confused on the correct way to do it. *LOL* so I just do my own verse (haiku). From what I understand it is a Japanese verse. It is the adaptation to English that has people going in different directions with it.

KansasLady....I am going to do a book of verses with paintings. I think...it is still perculating in my brain. *LOL*

sun_merman
04-29-2003, 11:14 AM
Hi Bev,

I love the painting, it does create the "mood".

As to Haiku, the standard form is a 5, 7, 5 combination. In Japanese, which is more syllabic in its structure and pronunciation, it is easier to understand the excellence of the "poetry" in the skillful combination of sound and meaning. If I were to convert your poem into the above mentioned combination it might read something like this:

Gray Cloud Sky Doves
Rain Falling Down Branches Drip
Sound Softly Dim Light

Counting Syllables in the first line gray-1 cloud-1 sky-1 dove-1 s-1
second line rain-1 fall-1 ing-1 down-1 bran-1 ches-1 drip-1
third line sound-1 soft-1 ly-1 dim-1 light-1

The difficulty in "capturing the essence of a life moment" in a structured 5,7,5, combination is what is striven for and so highly prized. You not only have to contend with meaning, but simultaneously have to contend with structure, and in the case of putting Haiku on a painting, the visual context of the painting must also coincide with the Haiku. It is a challenge, truly worthy, of an artist.

Hope this information is of use to you and all who read it. If I have err'd somewhat in translation of form and purpose please add your comments to this thread.

Thanks again Bev! :clap: :clap:

Fagan
04-29-2003, 11:25 AM
SunMerman...yes! that is what I have read also...but then I have seen it in so many variations how do you know what is correct? I should stick to that formula though. Thanks! *SMILE*

sun_merman
04-29-2003, 11:47 AM
Hey Bev, you might get a kick out of both of these sites I just found, maybe even enter your piece in the first one.

www.haikuhut.com (http://)

And:

http://www.toyomasu.com/haiku/ (http://)

I appreciate there are many views about what is correct and not. The first site above explores this.

My own experience comes from being "taught" when an exchange student in Japan many many years ago. But, as you can see from the above links, all things change! lol

Ciao for now

Eric

rapolina
04-29-2003, 11:57 AM
Originally posted by sun_merman
Hope this information is of use to you and all who read it.

thank you very much:) :) :)
it's a very interesting information.
it's stimulating... if i'd want to try, i hope it'd be easier in italian!;)


ciao and thanks again, rapolina.