View Full Version : Artist Jokes
02-12-2012, 09:46 PM
Do you know a good joke? If you do (and who doesn't?) and if it is not
racist and is clean, please submit it here!
You get kudos, bragging rights, and extra credit, if any of the following
You keep your joke short.
Your joke is original.
For the enlightenment of the wit-challenged, such as myself,
you explain why your joke is funny, so that we can eventually
"get" it, even if we can't figure it out on our own.
Let's start. Here's my contribution, which I can truthfully brag is original:
Two printers were standing outside of their shops in the South Loop area
of Chicago, having an argument about who had the better presses, the
fastest turnaround time, etc., and a tourist interrupts them to ask them
where he can find the famous Printers' Row. One of the printers starts
laughingly hysterically. The other printer and the tourist look concerned.
Explanation: The tourist not only found the famous Printers' Row, but he
found two printers on Printers' Row having a printers' row.
I am sorry to saw I cannot think of an artist joke at this present time. However, I figured you would do with a laugh having at least someone commenting on your joke. I am currently a newsletter editor for a cycling club. I tried to get subscribers to provide captions to funny pictures, and even offered rewards for best caption. I did not get a single response - go figure!
This reminds me of a John Wayne movie:
John Wayne: "Don't you feel foolish wearing that hat?"
Kate: "I NEVER FEEL FOOLISH!"
John Wayne: "That's because you don't have a sense of humour."
09-03-2012, 10:55 PM
*oonph* Puns. Simultaneously the highest and lowest form of humour. :D
Here's mine: "His art teachers thought he was so bad they wondered how he could draw a breath." (not original)
12-27-2012, 08:26 PM
You Must Be An Artist If....
-The only piece of new furniture you have in your home is a $2000 easel.
-You purchase a ton of books, and most are blank inside.
-There are Prussian blue fingerprints on your phone.
-You stay awake late at night wondering how to render on canvas the dimly lit shapes and the shadows in your room.
-When you go out, you are always stopping and gazing at the world around you.
-You clean your brushes in your coffee.
-You explain your deplorably bad housekeeping by saying, "it's a work-in-progress..."
-You get a feeling of calmness from holding and stroking the bristles of your clean paintbrushes.
-At the gym you take note of the intense facial expressions of the heavy lifters.
-You never look at a person's face as a whole. You break it up into shadows and lines and shapes, and think how they would look on a canvas.
02-20-2013, 10:46 PM
How do you name an artist without talent?
An art teacher!
05-07-2013, 05:44 PM
Why didn't Picasso cross the road?
Because his mind's eye already knew what a chicken looks like!
Why did Picasso leave the work force?
Because he didn't pan out at the job he loved,... As a forensic artist!
07-05-2013, 08:36 AM
A Man walks in Starbucks and sit's down. He sets his potfolio down in front of him and order's a small latte'.
Sitting next to him is a beautiful woman. She turns and ask's him;
"Are you a Real Artist?"
"Well, I guess so" he replied. I paint landscapes, I do pen and ink portaits, I occasionally do a few murals,
and I have hundreds of colors of paint and numerous paint brushes, so, yes.
I believe I am a Real Artist."
The woman sips her espresso, and reply's;
" I'm a lesbian."
"I wake up thinking of beautiful women. When I'm at work I think about beautiful women. When I'm eating I think about them,
and even when I go to sleep at night.
All I ever think about is beautiful women."
Sipping his latte' A man comes in and sits down next to him.
"Are you a Real Artist?" the man asks.
"Well, I always thought I was..."
"But now, I think I'm a lesbian." http://i1248.photobucket.com/albums/hh489/rainhaze1/coffeescreen2.gif (http://s1248.photobucket.com/user/rainhaze1/media/coffeescreen2.gif.html)
08-08-2013, 11:57 PM
An artist is the person who paints himself (or herself) into a corner.
02-18-2016, 02:54 AM
Probably my original; I use it often and so far no one says they've heard it :
"Take it with a grain of Gestalt."
04-02-2016, 09:49 PM
oh my gouache
05-03-2016, 11:20 PM
Whaddya' call a man with no arms, and no legs, hanging on the wall?
05-07-2016, 11:44 PM
I call it a fable, because it may not even be true. It's still a good fable.
Picasso is sitting on a park bench sketching and a woman walking by recognized him. So excited to meet the great Picasso, she asked him to draw a sketch of her.
He rolled to a new sheet on his sketch pad, and began; when he was finished, he peeled the sketch off and handed it to her. "That will be $5000."
"$5000?!" she screamed, "but it only took you five minutes!"
"No madam, actually it took me my entire life."
08-21-2016, 07:05 PM
Not sure if this is the perfect thread for these and am also mildly worried I'm immediately building a reputation here of being absolute meme-trash, but these are ones that always got a giggle out of me:
09-05-2016, 04:17 PM
09-06-2016, 09:24 PM
"Hard day in art class" indeed!
09-08-2016, 05:00 PM
03-02-2017, 02:43 PM
(we need more jokes....!)
03-02-2017, 07:53 PM
I need some Monet to get Degas to make the VanGogh.
03-02-2017, 08:23 PM
I have to Picasso bad!
03-02-2017, 08:57 PM
03-04-2017, 06:53 AM
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor..."
03-11-2017, 01:38 PM
Whaddya' call a man with no arms, and no legs, hanging on the wall?
Whaddya' call the same man floating in the middle of a body of water?
03-11-2017, 03:00 PM
03-11-2017, 07:26 PM
08-10-2018, 11:04 PM
Ha! That's a funny one :)
Hairstylist: You ever heard of brushing your hair 100 brushstrokes?
Me: Number one, I can't brush my hair (It's so curly, I'll get a crazy 'fro if I do) Number two, I thought the "100 Brushstrokes" thing was the guideline for strokes on a canvas...
Why it's funny: 100 brushstrokes refers to running the brush through your hair 100 times, but I think of it as 100 strokes on a canvas instead... Oh, to have the mind of an artist.
11-28-2018, 08:27 PM
02-03-2019, 06:37 PM
02-04-2019, 02:28 PM
http://www.wetcanvas.com/Community/images/04-Feb-2019/70343-paint_water_mug-r141ee71a204940adbb672a241a54c914_x7jgr_8byvr_614.jpg_1.jpg I saw this cup online which seems apt.
02-04-2019, 02:31 PM
The people who make art their business are mostly imposters. Picasso
02-09-2019, 07:58 PM
04-07-2019, 11:04 AM
A young artist exhibits his work for the first time, and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the artist, "would you like to hear my opinion of your work?"
"Yes", the artist replies.
"It's worthless." says the critic.
"I know," the artist replies, "but let's hear it anyway."
One of my favorite Norman Rockwell Paintings:
08-13-2019, 11:45 PM
''PAINTING FOR SALE''
HAS MINOR DAMAGE WHICH CAN EASILY BE FIXED :wink2:
Contact Michael @ ARCHIVALSUPERIORCANVASES and get completely ripped off - Errr I mean completely set up with a beautiful original artwork for your home or office:cool:
But wait, there's more - This beautiful oil painting has another artwork underneath as the artist has painted over an existing landscape:evil:
So - The luck buyer will acquire 2 original oil paintings for the price of 1:confused:
:angel: - But do I get a refund if I am not happy with the product within 30 days ?
:evil: - Absolutely ! - You can always trust Michael from ARCHIVALSUPERIORCANVASES for a great deal :cool:
08-29-2019, 09:53 AM
Maybe not a joke:
The hardest part of being an artist is being nice to people who think they know how to do your work.
09-09-2019, 01:27 PM
10-18-2019, 06:55 AM
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